The Cave of Now

Write to my Health

2011-12-17T11:42:00.000-06:00

It's been awhile since I've been here and I can tell I need to spend more time in my life writing. Writing is one of those things that makes me healthy, like exercise. It is my release after a long day or week, the friend who will always listen and not talk back, only allowing me to see my thoughts and feelings in a row so I can learn from them. That's my plan for today. I'm going to whip up a pot of tea and sit and write. Write to my health.

You might see some of it here :)

The Refills

2011-10-01T12:46:00.000-05:00

I didn’t realize that going to the TX Roadhouse would besuch a cultural experience for Fabian. Iforgot that there are no free refills on drinks in Austria… and no ice in most drinks. We each ordered a Coke and they came in large cups half full of ice. We slurped at them while we ate our deliciously huge steaks. It was a good reward for all of the driving we'd done that day (correction: driving he'd done that day). As our drinks emptied, our waitress came back and asked if we wanted refills. I just nodded like we both would, forgetting about the culture difference. She came back with two big glasses of Coke again. Fabi's jaw was on the ground. You mean, we get a whole nother one? for free? I can't drink this!... I assured him that it was okay if we didn't finish them, they were free. Oh, this was not okay! He wasn't about to waste it. He attempted. He gave it the ol' college try.... and he totally lost. Even while the ice deceived us as to the actual amount of pop in the glass, neither of us could finish. The dejected look on Fabi's face made me wish we'd just gotten one refill. Dang it. And, it needs to be said, mostly because it was the only thing I ever beat him legitimately at, I drank more of my refill than he did!

The Coke he couldn't finish...

Home.

2011-10-01T12:21:00.000-05:00

I’vebeen contemplating lately what home means. My new place hasn’t felt like home. I’ve put up familiar pictures of recent memories. I’ve spent time there, cooked there, cleanedthere, slept there and yet, it hasn’t felt like home… until this week, untiltoday. What makes home home?

Todaytopped off a week of letting my dearest friends into this space that I inhabit. I had tea with them, played Scrabble withthem, talked with them on the phone, emailed them, and most recently, chattedwith them over an ocean. They say that “Homeis where the heart is” and I’ve never really understood what that even means… Isay, “Home is where your heart is not alone anymore.” I was with them… I was with the people who have held myhand and hugged me through dank and dismal times. And now I’m at home, in my new home.

Moved.

2011-09-15T15:48:00.000-05:00

So, I’ve recently moved into a place of my own (well, with a new roommate!) and I kinda feel like I’m reinventing myself. How’s that for new-age? Maybe it’s the cooler weather and the kiddos heading back off to school (or something complete else different), but I just feel an energy about life lately. I’m lovin’ that! There have been a few words that have driven this reinvention of Jaime… Courage. It’s inserted itself into my life in several uncanny ways (really, only God could have done this – ask me about it sometime!), but it’s encouraged (see, there it is again) me to have courage in life… to be who God wants me to be, even if it looks a little different than everyone else… to write whether anyone ever reads it or likes it… to live a life of intention. That is the other word… Intention. As I think about what will go into my “new life” as an apartment renter, I ask questions like, how can I honor God with my time? What should I spend time studying? Who should I spend time investing in? What should I have for dinner? I know, this all sounds overwhelming, doesn’t it? I have this inexplicable peace that it will all happen in its time as I trust the Lord. Yep, the cave of my now is definitely brighter, more hopeful and faith-filled.

What words are defining your fall/life season?

Lambeau Field.

2011-09-05T10:23:00.001-05:00

My favorite Cody got tickets to the Packer game last Thursday and decided to take me. (All ladies may direct applications for getting to know Cody to me.) I had never been to Lambeau Field (inside the stadium) before… So, you could say I was excited!

As we walked toward the stadium in a sea of green jerseys, I felt… privileged. I guess that is the best way to describe it. It was like, I was a part of something bigger, I had a ticket to the party, like we all knew a secret and were going to be let in. A smile was smeared across my face the whole time. The stadium, inside, was… life-size. It was giant and full and majestic. The guys on the field were visible – not like you see on TV – just normally sized. It was… wordless.

The night was warm and humid – I could not imagine being there in the dead of winter without hand warmers and a good pair of wool socks! Cody and I had so much fun on this little adventure together.

I would recommend Lambeau to anyone. The fly-over after the national anthem... totally awe-inspiring! It left me breathless! Oh, and we won! But what else would you expect from the reigning world-champion Green Bay Packers! ?

Thanks for taking me Cody! I love you bro!

Jesus was at Devil's Lake with us...

2011-08-27T16:32:00.001-05:00

While we were hiking up the East Bluff along the south face at Devil’s Lake State Park, we passed a troop of Boy Scouts from the Chicago area. We had seen them at a couple of different points and they had admired (mostly with their cameras) Fabi’s rock climbing skills, I mean, “bouldering skills.” Anyway, Fabi was barefoot while we wandered and pretty scruffy looking on the face. A chunky little Boy Scout who passed us took one look at Fabi and grinned sheepishly, saying “Hi Jesus.” Oh, how we laughed for days and days. We still do.

That day at Devil’s Lake was one of the most epic of the whole month. I absolutely LOVED being there enjoying something that Fabian enjoys so much! It was sunny and I read while he climbed… the lunch spot… oh, the lunch spot was designed specifically by God, just for us!

The Craft Mobile!

2011-08-15T22:29:00.001-05:00

Being with Amber always means adventure, and most of the time, epic adventure. Epic is Amber's middle name. She can make microwaving a burrito epic. It’s just the way she sees things. It’s one of the many reasons I crave spending time with her. This weekend, we decided to hold the first tri-annual (or quarterly – we aren’t sure yet) “crafting weekend”… it’s still up for debate whether we will actually craft at every one of them, but we thought we’d start it off with a bang… a trip to JoAnn Fabrics. We almost didn’t make it out actually. We almost spent our whole weekend in the store, standing over our cart, admiring fabric and dreaming about what it could become with the right amount of stitching and patience. We pulled ourselves away after several pep talks.

We had two main projects: A make-up bag and some placemats. We sewed for about 10 hours, with a short break for pizza dinner. Have a look…

We used a pattern from a German woman.

This is Amber's bag because it has chutzpah.

We now have matching AWESOME place mats!

We came, we saw, we crafted!

Our other goal was to eat food out of Amber's beautiful garden that Fabi and I helped plant this past May... and, well, we failed miserably.... but we had great burgers at the Big Star Drive In... and pizza delivered by Papa Johns (yummy garlic butter sauce!) Here are the before and after pictures from her garden...

Before in May


After in August

Impressed? I was. Amber grows a garden in an epic way!

Magnificent May... The First of Many Memories

2011-07-28T11:40:00.002-05:00

When Fabi left in the end of May, the summer was before me and I just knew that I would not have sufficient time to write well about our time together. So, I began vomiting all over my computer, making lists of experiences to flesh out one at a time as I had time. I forced myself to write some each day no matter how tired I happened to be at the end of it. It has been a rejuvenating process of reflection so far! Over the next few weeks and months, you’ll find little snippets of this ever-growing document. I’ll share funny stories, serious stories, pictures & thoughts about the trip of my recent lifetime with Fabi…

Overlooking the Bright Angel Trail

We watched our first sunset in that perfectly secluded spot overlooking the Bright Angel Trail from the Hermit’s Rest Rim Trail. We had our Grand Canyon brewed beer while watching the canyon, having opened our beer with the canyon rim! It was beyond words to see that beauty. I was reading in Isaiah (2:10-17). It’s the section that talks about the lofty/proud being brought low. Some of the examples included nature – like the cedars of Lebanon. I guess they were some famous and magnificent Cedars in Lebanon. It made me think of the power of God to crush the Grand Canyon flat in but a moment, a word. God gives us amazing beauty here to enjoy here on earth, but to read that God will destroy it for one purpose – showing His glorious wrath and making all men look to Him alone. Wow. Anyway, it was a precious time for me to spend that sunset with God and Fabian.

Looking north at the Colorado River from Desert Views

On our way back to the car, we talked about our Bright Angel hike scheduled for the next day. Would we go all the way to the river or turn back part way? In a moment of sheer stupid and awesome brilliance, Fabi asked me if I would yell my debit card pin number to him as I was falling over the edge of the canyon if I ever did. How thoughtful of him! (geez!) So, I yelled seven-two-fiiiiive-niiiiiiiiinnnnnnne… and we laughed hysterically (Mind you, I told him the correct pin, not this stand in for public use.). He scrambled for paper when I told him that I had actually just then and there told him my correct pin number. Thanks for thinking of what little money I had in my bank account over and above my life!

SFOOG: 2011 -- We're Back and Better than Ever!

2011-07-05T22:46:00.003-05:00

Sunday was the 3rd mostly annual SFOOG (Sherf Family Outdoor Olympic Games). I say "mostly annual" because last summer's weekends got eaten up by planning a wedding!! :) The events of SFOOG are Jaime originals, at least the twists are. We pair up and compete in the activities I create and then we dress up in the medal outfits for a picture based on our finishes. Enjoy the picture and blurb recap of highlights!

Bring Sally Up, Bring Sally Down

We all got down on our stomachs for some good ol' fashioned push-ups. As we listened to Moby's Flower, we came up and went down with the lyrics for Sally. The person who lasted the longest in the song without stopping got to pick his/her partner for the day. Cody won! Congrats bud!

Gold Medal winning Ice Escape performance

The first event was Ice Escape, formed in my mind while we were ice fishing this winter on the Lake of the Woods. As we were in my dad's car, we contemplated the best possible way of escape if we were to break through the ice.... the sun roof! One member from each team had to start in the driver's seat and be timed as they projected him or herself out of the car and onto the pavement. Winning time? 5.72 seconds.

Winner? ME! That's right, Jaime Sherf beat out 2 of her 3 brothers for the title of quickest escape out of an Impala sunroof!

Event #2: Roofball - the family fav! Technical rules (which only Cody and I really know since we made them up). It's a hoot! A pregnant woman and her husband took the gold in this event. By the way, the "gold" medal was an Aaron Rodgers' jersey, a tiara and a superman cape :)

Event # 3: Fru-Bik-alad

The names are just as fun to come up with as the actual rules of the game! One team member headed out via bike around the block. Once one lap was completed, his or her teammate proceeded to eat a bowl of fruit salad. After the consumption of the salad, the first teammate would set out for another block of biking. The first team to make it back to the mailbox won gold.

The Bikers of Fru-Bik-alad

The 2^nd place finishers got to don a straw hat, a maraca and a Ghanaian head wrap. The third place team really was worse than getting 4^th because you had to show up in a picture wearing the pitiful jersey of GB#4. There was also a Marilyn Monroe style wig and some Viking colored beads.

The winners of Fru-Bik-alad!

Bonding over a cold soak!

Event #4: Cold Feet

The kiddie pool scares my family. It might have been from the time I made us all stick our heads underwater at hold our breath in a competition of lung capacity. In any event, it’s always fun to spice it up a bit. I filled our pool with a few layers of ice and then freezing water. Then, we stuck our feet in. We shared moments of intense pain while we strengthened our wills to be the last foot in. 40 minutes. Not bad. It all came down to a quiet conversation between my brother, Jeremy and me… and then I took my foot out, securing second place.

Medals for Cold Feet

Event #5 Bean Bag Toss

Nothing new or insane about this, which I think my family was thankful for… because their feet were still tingly. By this point, Jeremy and Nicole have completely run away with the day… winning all by one gold medal.

Event #6 Nut Stack

We had a four way, head to head, team nut stack. Oodles of fun. The goal was to stack 7 nuts (three different sizes), alternating team members, using a shish kabob skewer.

Nut Stack Results

All in all, it was the best way to spend a Sunday afternoon with my dear family… making memories!

What memories did you make this last weekend?

Summer Days

2011-07-04T23:34:00.000-05:00

The days don't get much better than this weekend! It's treating myself to a cold Starbucks drink, opening the sunroof on my dad's car and listening to my new summery music loudly as I drive through town, the wind swirling about me. You couldn't wipe the smile off of my face!

Today was a treat, just how summer, and the 4th of July should be. I met Amber in town for what promised to be an adventure of epic proportions, no matter what we actually decided to do! Amber can make microwaving a burrito into an epic adventure! So, just before we set off on a somewhat lengthy bike trip around Point, with various stops along the way, we decide to give Olson one last chance to hang out with the most delightful women around. He picks up his phone finally! Belt's. Now, you all know that I am a pretty religious ice cream eater... and most of you probably know that I don't consider soft serve actual ice cream... but I go to Belt's on special occasions, when those I am with are not so enlightened. Today was one of those days.

The three of us caught up quickly and easily, as we always do. Are you ever with people who you've known forever and even though you feel like you've changed somewhat, they still know exactly what you'll think or say about something? Those are these friends.... special and deep friends. Friends I thank God daily for.

We headed for the river in hopes of finding some great trees for slacklining (Wiki it if you wanna know more.) and fields for frisbee. The perfect temperature. The perfect amount of breeze. The perfect absence in the ability to text (Thanks Element Mobile!). The perfect company. Oh, this was a glorious day! We talked and laughed and I did a pretty good digger as the line flung me off of it. Hilarious. We missed our NYC contingent for sure! We left some holes in our pictures for you two!

Jeremy left to begin his actual epic adventure of a year of clinicals in this 3rd year of med school. Fun! Amber and I biked over and dropped in on Ann and Lee, who just happened to be sitting down to dinner, which they had cooked extra of, which was providential.... score for Amber and me! :) Their porch is perfect for evening sun, laughter, good food and more special friends. Could you ask for anything more?

Arriving back at the Perri-base after biking through Point as it said goodbye to the mid-summer holiday weekend, we found ourselves being offered more food and fellowship-y fun. You just can't beat the cook outs and parties of summer, can you?

It was the perfect day. And I am perfectly exhausted after this weekend.

Next post will include all of the highlights of SFOOG 2011: We're Back and Better than Ever! (Our 3rd annual Sherf Family Outdoor Olympic Games.) Pictures too!

KC: The Opening

2011-04-29T10:40:00.002-05:00

This place is such an event in our family. Summer is surely now here for good because King Cone opens today!!! Absolute excitement. We endure winter for this day. It's gonna be a good day!

Some of you local readers (ha, people read this!?!) may be wondering, will the Sherf family go to the *new* location in Plover? Yes, of course we will. There are many similarities between them, beyond simply the name. The ice cream is the same delicious Cedar Crest (I was saddened to find out that Cedar Crest, of Manitowoc, WI does not offer plant tours! What a bummer!) ice cream, but this year, with 8 new flavors MADE LOCALLY AT KING CONE! There is also the lovely view of a King Lube oil change building across from both locations. It's a little eerie folks! Same great manager, who works hard to make sure that the Sherf favs are always in the freezers. Yes, expansion is good.

And with the opening of King Cone, I have a new season goal. My goal is to introduce 10 new people to the delights of KC this summer. Already got one. Two more are planned. Last year I tried to eat my way through the menu, but Zanibar Chocolate with After Dinner Mint is just such a comfort to me... I didn't make it to everything! If you've never been, let me know and we'll plan an outing. It's really just what everyone needs - always. It's that simple.

Oh, and I also hope to write more on this thing... My now is full of stuff (like most of yours' are too!). May will bring one of my best friends for a month-long visit, so I will be writing about the Grand Canyon, the Apostle Islands and general shenanigans with Fabian!

What are your spring highlights? What events mark the beginning of summer for you and your family?

The Season

2011-03-11T21:29:00.003-06:00

I realized something yesterday as I traveled back from Wausau East after the boys were eliminated on their way to the State tournament. I realized how much I have always enjoyed the competitiveness of an Amherst basketball game. Not only that, but I realized the necessity of it for me during the long and dark winter months in Wisconsin. It has been my joy to watch these men play since November. They have grown as players and as men. I am so thankful that their teacher and coach, Gregg, invests so much of his time and talent into their lives. Every year, there is a new batch of guys to mentor. He is not aptly paid for the impact he has on their lives. It is a pleasure to watch him coach and take advantage of the teachable moments.

It was quite emotional to watch the season slip away. In the waning minutes, I began to understand that I would never see those plays executed quite as beautifully as those five did it. They communicated and complimented each other so well. You could tell they were friends off the court too. I can still see the passion they have to play in their eyes. They want it so bad, but it's just not in the cards. Hugs, back pats and tears were shared between our guys, dazedly dejected by the defeat. They begin to understand the finality of these moments.

I look back on the season and I, for one, am so thankful to the players, coaches and school for putting on such a great program! It makes me proud to be from Amherst, a community that comes together in a high school gymnasium to enjoy a great bit of playing and camaraderie. Thank you Will, Jordan, Ben, Eric, Jared, JB, Steve and Ezra for being a ray of joy for me this winter!

Euchre in the Ice Box

2011-03-05T22:09:00.001-06:00

A couple weekends ago, I had the sweet opportunity to spend the weekend in the bitter cold "ice fishing" with some of the men in my family (and Aryn, but we didn't just come to cook!). I say "ice fishing" because I don't actually fish... I sit in the ice house and play euchre and sometimes pinochle or hearts. Here's how it works...

We get out to the fish house at about 8:30am, after waking up with icicles in our noses from sleeping in negative temps. (Seriously, -20F is a WARM morning!) In the fish house, I snag a spot by the heater while everyone puts down a line or two. They check the depth and set the bobber while I make conversation and "consult" on lure choice. This year, my fun uncle brought two of his three children. And my older brother, Jeremy, joined Cody, Dad and me... we just had a ball! Once everyone's lines went down, the table comes out and everyone gets into a position where they can see and attend to at least 2 holes. We don't fish with tip-ups. So, the dealing begins. Euchre is a quick-handed game so that's nice. Every time I mix and deal, I call for an ice-house-wide jig and/or bait check. This year, my uncle began dancing every time I called for a jig. Hilarious. We didn't catch much fish, but we did laugh a lot.

The playing goes on until lunch, with occasional interruptions for a bite or re-bait. We clear the cards for lunch and get out the sandwich fixings. We eat as if we haven't just had breakfast, second breakfast and 11sies... It's always good.

After lunch, the perfect, yet opposite, delight occurs. I leave the fish house... my dad or Cody take me back to the cabin, draw me some water and build a fire and then leave. I have the whole afternoon with my tea, a blazing fire, a book and my journal. There is no one near me. It is bliss... the perfect antithesis to the camaraderie of the fish house. I love this annual weekend. Most times, I don't even mind not showering for 4 days!

My dear fishing buddies :)

The evenings are filled with more food and cards until we all venture off to rest, snuggling in under tons of blankets.

I did actually jig just once this year. It yielded this fish :)

Thanks for a great weekend everyone! Until next year...

A Daddy Date

2011-02-22T22:44:00.001-06:00

I was a cheap date. Half of a $6 gas station pizza and a $5 State Park pass. I was eager to spend this time with my dad... & also try out my brand spankin' new snowshoes & boots. It was even degrees - neither positive nor negative - windless and quiet, as we approached the guard shack. The attendant took the money and gave us a map of the candlelight loop. We strapped on our shoes as others finished the loop, beaming at the beauty of the moonlit trail. We started out, following the luminaries down the trail groomed for cross-country skiing.

The air was crisp and still. We clopped. We chatted and wondered at things as we had done on the 9 hour journey to this tundra. I love that about my dad... he taught me to wonder well, and to ask questions. The trail was 1.25 miles, lit intermittently by candles. God's yard light show with pure luminescence through the trees and along our path. At times, we'd stop and admire the moon and list to the wind fly betwixt the trees. We rounded back toward the car. We were breathless and radiating heat as we finished our little adventure.

These moments with my dear daddy will always be tucked in my heart. I know it will not always be like this... but I am so grateful for the time we do have now. It is a happy little part of my cave of now.

A Family Education

2011-01-12T20:32:00.001-06:00

I wish that I knew more about my ancestors. I don’t necessarily want to know if they were famous or did something cool. I want to know what they were like, what their sense of humor was, how they cared for family, what occupied their thoughts. I’ve recently uncovered a lust for history, specifically my history.

The electronic age will surely mean that people will know about us for many years, if they choose. My great great granddaughter may read this someday and that thought is astonishing. How I wish that I could uncover a journal from my great great grandpa Charles, who lived in the 1850s. The only information I have about him or his wife, Esther, is what limited memories my own grandfather has.

These moments with grandpa and his lucid memory are so precious, though few. Often, I have to ask similar questions a couple times during the conversation to clarify and confirm his answers. I love a good story too and when he tells them, I try to memorize every word. I've written a lot of them down and wish that I had the energy and time someday to compile them. The writer in me longs for so much.

Last year, when my family was helping my grandfather downsize from his house to an apartment, we came across a jewel... an old family trunk, filled with pictures and letters. I received an amazing education that day. I met my great great grandfather, who was the original owner of the trunk. I met his children and their families. I held a stack of love letters that my great great grandparents exchanged before they were married. I felt so honored to have this peek into my past. I hope for more days like that soon. It made me wonder... will any of my ancestors be in Heaven? I have so many questions for them.

Photo by Ann Ilagan

Do you ever wonder about the people you came from?

Deutsch: A Ray of Light

2011-01-03T19:33:00.001-06:00

One of the things that has been giving me joy lately is bringing my German New Testament to church. It definitely helps that we are in a series on the gospel of John, but even when we are in the Old Testament, I can pull out my iPod with a split screen German-English Bible. One particular Sunday, I found myself taking notes in German too, which was odd, considering that English is my first language.

I just pulled out a note sheet from last month with a bunch of German on it. You wouldn't believe how encouraging it was to me. Seeing God's Truth in German is amazing. Er geht vor mir. He goes before me. Seeing that reminds me of the faithfulness of God when I moved to Austria, but also that He is the same today... same faithfulness. I didn't know a stitch of German before going... He went before me. Now, I am semi-(not really at all)-fluent and He goes before me. Simple, simple truth... Profound in every language.

The Changing of the Guards

2010-09-22T16:08:00.001-05:00

I bought my very first car this week, I mean like, paid for my very first car. Dads are great people! Anyway, as fun it is to get a new set of wheels (and it is quite exciting!), there is something difficult for me about selling the old one.

I drove my old blue Taurus into the car wash to soap her down one last time (hopefully) before some new owner takes her away. I thought about all of the memories that happened in and around that car... Three years at college, carting friends around town. Road trips. Camping trips. Great stories. Hilarious jokes. She's brought me to and from work many times. Taken me to camp. Got a few of my tears in her seats (Don't tell the new owner!). She was lent out to friends and family during my time in Europe. I've eaten a lot of meals inside. The cup holder knows my Dr. Pepper can well. Inspiring sermons. Housed my closet one summer.

Goodness, I'm just so thankful for her! We've held hands and went through life together for 6 years!

Holding hands with my dear old friend

And by now, you all are thinking ... Jaime, it's a CAR! Geez! But part of my life is trapped in that car. It will be forever. Those were good times.

I'm still getting to know my new car. The way it shifts, takes curves, and the cruise. I know I'm going to love her someday too. I'm excited at all of the new adventures we'll have, but right now, she's like the new college roommate who you don't know and you can't figure out why your old one had to transfer upstate! I know we'll be best friends by November though... after I've spilled ketchup on the leather seats a couple times ...

Making the introductions

Here's to more good times...

The Ice Cream Shoppe on the Corner

2010-09-07T00:12:00.001-05:00

I've been doing quite a bit of traveling lately, just short trips, weekend trips. I stood up in two weddings in August, both of which were a pile of fun in their own ways.

My Bestie, Amber, at Ann & Lee's Wedding


My Papa and me just before wedding #2!

Both weddings were out of town and so, on top of other random travel (to all parts of the state!), I am ready to stay put, at least for a few days. Don't get me wrong, I love to connect with friends, see new places, have fun experiences, but there is something about getting back home from a great trip. Mmmmm. It's just good. Tradition at my house is to make pancakes for dinner when we arrive home from out lake cabin in northern Minnesota.

It's seems like this summer's welcome home activity is a family trip to the ice cream shop on the corner! I mean, of course we go there multiple times a week as well, but it's extra delicious right after being away for a day or two. Yes, we are regulars there at King Cone in Amherst, WI. Their hand-dipped ice cream in a waffle cone pretty much solves every problem you could ever have! It would definitely solve world hunger and if it were delivered to peace treaty negotiations, we could achieve world peace rapidly as well! The smile and greeting from Ben upon arrival means that we are truly home again!

Do you have a comfort place? A welcome-home place?

Memorial Day Pictures

2010-06-02T20:09:00.005-05:00

** All Photos in this post are taken by Ann Davidson of Ann Davidson Photography. She has a passion for photography. She is bookable for weddings, portraits, family events, etc. Let me hear about how talented she is! **

The three of us, ready to pile into Ann's car.

Pewitt's Nest (outside of Baraboo) is worth your time!

And the token "jumping picture" in fields of green.

Memorial. Day. Adventures.

2010-06-01T20:02:00.003-05:00

In an attempt to suck up as much "now" as possible and not freak out about the upcoming "now," I pumped myself up for a Memorial Day ride to remember. It was time for the 2nd Annual Country Drive-While-Avoiding-All-4-Lane-Or-Busy-2-Lane-Roads Road Trip with Lee and Ann! There is something just magical about not having any place to be, a tank full of gas, a bottle of Coke (without all that high fructose syrup) and a well-used gazetteer... just sitting three to a front seat and enjoying the day!

We drove south from Amherst on Cty A in search of the "secret road." Apparently, 15th Ave is probably known only to people who live on it and those in love with their gazetteer. It was revelicious! The trees hung over the road, hills, curves and all = perfect! People in Dakota love to wave. We felt welcome, friends! We made our way to Montello (pronounced: Mon-TAY-yo) and stopped for some stretching (three people in the front seat is both a blessing and a curse, folks!). Turns out, there is a granite quarry there that the granite for Grant's tomb was extracted from. Remember that for Trivial Pursuit: US Presidents Edition!

Our general goal was to make it to the Baraboo area for some "natural area exploration." I think it's a bit ridiculous that we have to label our "natural areas" so that we don't end up putting a highway or gas station up on accident there! Anyway, Abelman's Gorge was slightly over-rated, although this may have been fed by our fright in hearing that a bear had been sighted on the trail just last week. We were all a little behind on our bear handling skill courses! Pewitt's Nest (Hwy W west out of Baraboo) was just what we were looking for! It was a gorgeous gorge! Shady, beautiful river, stunning structures, and some good light hiking (let's not get carried away - it's a holiday, remember!). It was definitely a place to which I would and will return!

We headed down to Merrimac and with all our hearts, wanted to ride the free river ferry, but the line was too long and unlike what my opening paragraph suggests, we did have a place to be... so we forwent (word?) that adventure. Merrimac is magical. We'd like to come back.

At the end of it all: 268 miles. Tons of gorgeous gorges. Thoughtful conversation. Sweat. A couple of walking sticks. A few pictures. Awesome roads. A knowledgeable navigator. A faithful friend. An attentive driver (well, we did almost throw up all over each other toward the end!). Sun. And all around bliss. It was all it was cracked up to be!

Pictures may follow... eventually...

Checking Out.

2010-05-18T00:40:00.003-05:00

I came out of Iron Man 2 on the mega-screen and found myself looking up at the sky a lot. On my late-night drive home, I envisioned myself catching a glimpse of Robert Downey Jr whizzing by on his way to save someone. Or semi-intelligent drones rising up out of the fields to block my path, while trying to create world-wide pandemonium (Isn't Wisconsin the place global chaos would begin?!). Movies just do that to me... they take me to a place just outside of reality.

Books can do that for me too. I remember walking down the street on my way to the Bahnhof in Innsbruck, certain that I was being followed by Hadrid. I thought he was going to kidnap me and I would be swept up into some new adventure at Hogwarts. That was in the midst of my Harry Potter marathon in anticipation of Book 7 being released.

The point is that, I guess, movies and books are a great little getaway, but it's always scary how easily they work with my mind. I would hate to come to the end of my life and have only a list of titles and films I'd experienced. I would rather have experienced my reality. By "my reality," I don't mean some sort of subjective mumbo-jumbo. I mean, I hope that I will have experienced True Reality, in the way God made me to experience it. To do and be what I was created for.

What does that look like? I think I'm learning about it every day. I hope you are too. Read a book by Karl Marx. And then one by Glenn Beck. Make a friend in Sweden or Greece via the internet and find out how daily life is over there instead of listening to the media's depiction of it. Roll around your yard like a dog and enjoy a beautiful day instead of watching beautiful days made up on television. Play catch with your kid instead of promising to do it tomorrow. Throw a party for your wife just because you love her. Do this because, well, because God has given us this world as our reality to interact with... Don't check out and flip on the movie channel all weekend! That's not what we were made to do... we were made to live!

April Fool's Day (Part 2)

2010-04-05T19:42:00.001-05:00

This is the first time in awhile that April Fool's Day has fallen during Cody's spring break.  Thus, he was home all day to ponder and plot a revenge against me.  How I wished he'd had school to take his mind off of me.  I was envisioning buckets of goop over my bedroom door or dead spiders in my bed.  I was trying not to be paranoid, just cautious and a bit more aware of my surroundings.

My day was full of engagements (wedding and others) so I did not arrive home until near 11pm.  All evening, I received texts from Cody (via Mom) inquiring as to when I would be home.  I couldn't tell if this way simply a part of his paranoia plan or not.  I had bags and things to lug in from my car.  As I came through the darken garage, a figure jumped at the window.  I didn't scream, but I jumped back a bit.  It was Cody, performing his "Pre-prank-so-she-let's-her-guard-down-prank." Of course, I didn't realize this is what it was until about 2am on April 2nd. 

I am awakened out of my dream to Jason Mraz playing inside my bedroom.  20 seconds, then off.  At first, I am not sure if it was occurring in my waking consciousness or in my sleep.  30 seconds later, more of Jason, then off.  Cody.  He has somehow wired speakers into my room to play off of his iPod. The music continues for 30 minutes like this... on for 20 seconds, off for 30, fast forward, on again, off, new song, rap, hip hop.  I really wanted to wait it out, but I also wanted my sleep.

Finally, I get up to talk with Cody. He played sleep, but then finally fessed up to running the controls.  I congratulated him on a prank well-played, suggested that next time he plan it so that he could sleep through it, and inquired about how much of the carpet he had to pull up to lay the wire.  We chatted for about 10 minutes and then went back to bed at a quarter to 3am.

I will leave you with one question: Does anyone have access to exercise bungee bands (used for resistance)?

April Fool's Day (Part 1)

2010-04-03T23:36:00.015-05:00

April Fool’s Day always creeps up on me rather quickly. I began conniving this past Wednesday for the perfect trick to play on Cody. I was restricted to the items I owned or was willing to acquire in the next several hours. No prank at all is better than one ill-executed. I settled on random cell phone alarms and a simple mid-hallway fish line web. I collected a few old cell phones that were lying around (I’m so thankful that we haven’t donated those old phones yet!). I chose the ring style, volume and set the times in 20-30 minute intervals. The hurdle in getting this part of the prank set up was in the fact that Cody’s door squeaks and rattles as you open it. There is no sneaking into his room, sometimes no entry at all if he’s locked it. I tiptoed toward it. I turned it, nudged it, thought I was home scot-free, when I hear: What are you doing? Cody was still awake in his bed!

I announced myself more openly as I reeled inside for a plan B. A story. Yes, a story is what I needed. Cody liked a good story! Cody, I haven’t seen you all day! I’m glad you are still up (DRAT, he’s still up!)… I wanted to tell you a story about my night at camp tonight. Sitting down next to his bed, I began to spin a tale of woe while wondering two things. I wondered firstly if he’d even believe my story, or at least be mildly entertained. Secondly, I wondered if my story could create enough of diversion so that I could slid a few phones to various places underneath his bed. I began in.

Now, the story wasn’t particularly exciting, except for the suspenseful inflection and various climatic moments. In reality, the story was about how I was down at Riverside looking for my Starbuck coffee mug that I’d lost there a couple of months ago. I rehashed every light switch I turned on, every thought, every fright. Well, he took it all in, gasping and sighing at all of the right spots. I left his room with my phones planted in the best spots imaginable, all the while dispelling any suspicion that Cody may have had that I was pranking him. Good night, Cody.

The fish line: My only comment about the fish line is that it’s hard to work with in the dark. I had to create the illusion that I was in bed (hence, no lights on) so… well, I lost quite a few strands, to be found in the morning. That said, it was also pretty easy for Cody to see the fish line early on April 1^st. The alarms wake him up, flashing, vibrating, ringing, dinging. And I received a text after the last one (a phone that actually had service attached)… nice Jaime. And then a bit later, can you please take down the fish line?

Over breakfast, we discussed the strengths and weaknesses of the prank and by the end of our conversation, I’d convinced Cody to walk into the fish line net just for posterity’s sake. So, for the next few minutes, we walked and got tangled in it.

I left for work on Thursday in a happy mood. As I walked out, Cody mischievously asks me – so, when are you going to be home tonight, Jaime?

I knew I was in for something.

The Crack Heads

2010-04-02T20:46:00.001-05:00

Meeting James and Melanie (and staying at their house) was the runner-up highlight of the trip to Fargo, second only to spending time with Mandy and being a part of her fabulous wedding day! But a new friendship with the Iversons?! Well, any friendship that begins with an incredibly embarrassing fart story and a picture of a horrific mustache is bound to last into eternity, right?

Beyond their generous hospitality and immense hilarity, this couple blinded me by their deep understanding of God’s grace. Just a few years ago, they were struggling to survive in their AA program. I like to think of them as “The Crack-Heads.” I’m not sure if they were ever on crack, but, good gravy, they sure used the term a lot! These sheets are like crack for your body… The scent of that candle is like crack for your nose… and others. They were so vocal about what God had done for them, His grace in literally changing their appetites from themselves and substance to Him and his love.

Having been a believer for awhile now, I found these concepts that rendered them speechless somehow “old-hat.” That’s why it was so refreshing to spend time with them! It renewed my sense of awe at God’s action in human lives. It also enlivened hope in His Power. He can change lives. He can and does act powerfully in unbelieving souls. He acts mightily in my life. It was like breathing again.

So thankful. They didn’t sugar-coat the Christian life. They faced it head on, struggling through the flesh. Marriage makes you humble. Having children reveals your selfishness and need for God. It turned my view of life on its head! I am not here on this earth to enjoy life, have fun, and try not to face my sin. Every event in my life has been designed by God to make me holy, to make me humble, to see my sin – and my need for Him.

James and Mel helped me see that obedient life isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. It was just what I needed to catapult me out of my annual March slump. Thanks be to God for you two! You’re like crack for my soul!

Marathon, we were not impressed. At all.

2010-03-06T16:55:00.002-06:00

The most depressing part of the game today was that the teams could not be compared evenly on the same playing field. The referees did not give Amherst the option of fairly showing their ability. Every call (save 5) were against us. The total foul count was Amherst 29, Marathon 5 (on the game). Now, I understand that a good 10 of those were 4th quarter fouls to stop the clock (a strategy I would implore any team playing Marathon to employ. They throw up bricks from the line.), but still -- 19-5?! I have watched a lot of basketball in my day. I have seen a lot of poorly called games. It was a new world-record today. These men should never be paid to referee again. And how can they sleep at night?! Fifth-graders could have beat us with their calls!

Furthermore, I truly hope that Marahon did not think that they earned this win. It was handed to them on a silver platter by three men in stripes. Normally, I can see the strengths of the team that beats us, but today, I saw little that should let them advance. The fundamental measure of a team is whether they can make free throws and I believe they were less than 50% today from the line. Oh, I guess they did rebound pretty well, if it's okay to reach down over the back. At one point in the first half, the game was tied, but Amherst had 9 fouls called against us while Marathon sat at 0. They can't be that good, and they are really not!

It's normally thoughtful to cheer for the team that knocked you out to go all of the way so that you can say you'd played the State Champs. Well, I hope that Marathon gets pummeled into the ground. I hope every call goes against them next game. I hope they are frustrated and foul out every senior. I hope they get smashed (perhaps even with some injury). They did not deserve this win any more than we did.

Hold your head up, Amherst Boys, you had TWO opponents today!

On the Road to State

2010-03-06T10:23:00.001-06:00

The Amherst boys basketball team has advanced to the third round of the playoffs this season, a game this afternoon against top ranked Marathon. I have be delighted to watch them play. There is something, however, about the playoffs - a precarious sense of survival. It seems to be that one wrong step, pass, shot will send your team to the off season. Yes, we have been blessed in Amherst to advance several rounds each year at least. (I cannot imagine following a team that gets out in the first round. It has just not ever been my experience.)

And yet, we still see the frustration on the court by our guys when a clutch shot is missed. The determination when the ball is coming down the court and gosh-dang-it, we need the steal. This is what these players have prepared for all season! They've practiced and played together for the past 5 months. They know each other well. Some plays are new and delicate while others, we have seen every game, like base-line Lutz or drive and dish Doll.

I get nervous as a fan. Perhaps it is because, at one point, I was a sister. (I still am a sister, but not to varsity basketball players this year). There is something about watching your own brother out on the court - knowing his strengths and weaknesses - having lived with him and seen his tantrums and triumphs, that brings the game to a heightened level. You want his hard work to pay off. You want to see him shine. Trouble is, all of the players on the other team have families that want the same thing. So, it is a battle.

After watching these players all year, I've come to enjoy their teamwork. The looks of encouragement, the shouts of praise and the helpful suggestions after a cheap foul. I love seeing the determination in their eyes and the hustle in their bodies as they go for the ball. There is a passion here. I hope this passion continues, if not for ball, for something, for life. To live it well and with confidence, the same confidence that they have popping up the 3-ball when they know they are "on."

Oh yes, can you tell I love high school basketball? It is a tradition in our family. Going to these games makes me miss the days of high school as Sherf's Little Sister. It makes me a little sad that I will not be present for the next few seasons of watching my "biggest/youngest" brother play for Jensen. But for today, I'm going to cheer and enjoy these men and their excitement for a chance at Marathon!

Play the game of your lives!

A Social Experiment.

2010-02-17T21:59:00.001-06:00

I stepped back in time for a day at the Berntsen Libray last Thursday. Well, it was present day - new students, new inside jokes (that i'm outside of!), etc... - but being there brings back so many memories! Mini-golf behind the circulation desk, scooter races, ridiculous requests from faculty... oh, it was good times.

This time, at the libes, it was a social experiment with Pegs.  It hatched out of a large lunch at the mid-town global market.  We sat in Becky's office with our "food baby bellies" and reminisced about the poems we'd written at the library, the concerned customer letters from deceased alumni, the hilarious proposals to supposedly streamline the circulation process.  And, lo and behold, a new scheme... what would people say to a pregnant woman wandering amongst the stacks of the main collection?  At a smallish private Christian college?! Let's try it. By the way, Peggy will make an adorable pregnant woman someday! (She even had the "waddle" down!)  The original plan was to convince one of our old co-workers of her pregnancy, but we got a lot of other great data in the process.  People stared, smiled, did double takes at Peg as we walked about the library.  I don't recognize that girl... oh look, she's pregnant.

How we all giggled and snickered in the confines of Becky's office after those walks!! And then, we had good conversations about "judgment" and "disappointment." Is "being disappointed" in someone's behavior a nice way to say that you are "judging" them?

Retreats. Jobs. Adventures. Life.

2010-02-16T21:09:00.003-06:00

Whew. It's just been so full of bustle! I don't want to bombard you with the details of everything, but I do want to uncover some stories and thoughts about my last couple of weeks. My next several posts may be to that end.

Just one story tonight and then a preview of the next few to come...

Bowling with frozen poultry. It was a sight to behold! The winter retreat at Riverside was in full swing. I had two "talks" under my belt. I was half-way through the four I had prepared. It was going well. I was surprised that the urgency of what I was sharing came out between the shakes and nerves. Being a first time speaker, I thought that I would come out dry and unfeeling. Anyway, the bowling. It was magnificent. There is nothing quite like holding a smallish frozen turkey and looking across the ice rink at 10 2-liter bottles set up like pins. The strategies you come up with to knock down the most pins (on the knees, granny-style, side arm) are just hilarious to watch fail or succeed in their turn. As I heaved the turkey forward in the first frame for my team, I had visions of getting a strike on my first time and impressing everyone. Nothing could be further from the truth. I missed completely. Not. A. Pin. Down.

Thankfully, everyone else was having similar luck. Half-filled with water and frozen, those bottles were difficult to totter over. Getting two or more down brought huge hoots and hollers from your team. Toward the end of the game, Jake gets a brilliant idea. He begins running from outside of the rink, on the snow, to gain momentum. He plans to launch himself on the ice and propel the turkey forward from the line. Anyone else would have biffed it and broken a bone (as someone did that day). But Jake's middle names are "gracefully athletic" so, of course, he nails the landing and the release. He knocked down 6 pins. This guy is my hero.

And then somehow, potentially by a mathematical error, our team (TEAM STRIKE!) went from last to first in the second half of the game. We don't ask questions at that point. We just go crazy bananas on the ice, screaming and slapping backs. This is what I love about camp. It's a place where you can tell a person about Jesus and then be utterly silly with that person in the very next moment. What a lovely mix!

Stay tuned for...

A bit of pregnancy in the library at Northwestern (A social experiment)

Fluent in Flatulence (A look inside a fish-house full of Sherfs)

The New Job (on the effects of growing up with only brothers and then working with only women.)

Infuse. Ignited for Christ

2010-02-03T18:53:00.002-06:00

I've been working like a mad woman on a set of talks that I will be presenting this weekend at Riverside's winter retreat for youth. The theme for the week is Infuse: Ignited for Christ. After getting over the hump of completely blank thoughts, I have hammered out some thoughts on our lives, God's plan for things, darkness and light and various other topics.

I've learned so much in my preparation. By far, the biggest thing is that if this goes off without hitch, it will be because of the Lord. If this goes off with a hitch or two, the Lord will use it in His way.

Pray that God's purposes might stand. Pray that all hearts would be open to understand. Pray that God would let us see Him and ignite our hearts!

Patience.

2010-01-29T16:29:00.008-06:00

The topic of our small group's conversation last night was James 5:7-11, where it talks about being patient in suffering, as we wait for God's fruit to be revealed in our lives. I will admit, this is hard for me.

This year, I have been working on various scholarship applications, looking for work, trying to save money and study in preparation for graduate school in the fall. Currently, I am waiting to hear back from all said scholarship foundations, finishing up a temporary work assignment (i.e. looking for work again), spending money on wedding celebrations that I am honored to be a part of, and getting discouraged in my studies (as well as not finding too much time for it!). You can see why it's hard for me to be patient and wait for fruit.

What I've been holding to since our conversation last night is James 1:2-4 which says,

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

I know that God is faithful to us, to me. He has chosen to make me mature and complete through trials that do not make any sense in the moment. I'll be honest, I'm not in love with the methods, but God must have his reasons. And so, I will look to be joyful as I wait patiently.

So pray for me.

Twitter Confession

2010-01-21T10:59:00.005-06:00

My twitter confession is:

I don't understand it. I don't get how people get any relevant information from it. I don't understand how it works.

I'm trying to embrace this new technology, but I just don't get it! Does that mean I'm getting old? Can someone help me understand? (I feel like a grandma!)

To Aaron Rodgers

2010-01-12T13:13:00.007-06:00

Let me start by saying this is my first year cheering for you and your team because in general, I've found it hard to cheer for a team with a number four on it. I enjoyed this season immensely! I, like many others, was really saddened that we will not get to see you play further into the playoffs. Is your neck okay after that Cardinal yanked on your helmet?

I wanted to tell you that although Brett's shadow is long, you have outshined him this year. You play exceptionally well. Mr. Favre has a knack for getting and sitting in the limelight. I am sorry that you must live in that shadow. Be assured that your name will go further than his if you continue to play and lead well.

Your newest fan,

Jaime Sherf

The Count of Monte Cristo

2010-01-06T13:23:00.005-06:00

I downloaded this book on my new iPod for something to read at work, without having to lug a book. I fell in love with its adventure and humor. So, I took myself to the library to pick up the real copy for home reading and WHOA... I found out that I'm reading the unabridged 1,200+ page edition! It's all in my little iPod! Amazing.

The other sweet thing that I found out was that I was already on page 650! whew. It's a great read... thoughtful and funny and informing. I recommend it! Pick up the abridged verison if you are strapped for time!

Also, I love my new iPod!

What are you guys reading?

Resolution vs. Goal

2009-12-31T11:51:00.008-06:00

I've determined that it is much more benefitial to think in terms of goal instead of resolution. With a resolution, such as not eating chips in 2010, it ends with the first chip. It's not a progressive work, it's a sudden "new you." Instead of thinking about how you want to be different in 2010, I challenge you to think about how you want to be different by 2011! That's a goal. I want to be the best... husband/employee/basketball player that I can be. I want to read this book. I want to work on this friendship. You get the idea... Don't resolve to be better, because you might just fail and give up on January 11.

Make it a goal and work towards it. And honestly, even if you don't make it by the end of 2010, at least you'll be closer to it! Setting goals lets you start where you are, instead of hoping to be where you are not!

What are your goals for 2010?

The Decade Wanes

2009-12-27T12:16:00.006-06:00

2000 to 2009. A Decade.

It's fun to reflect back on these years.

I've traveled to 4 continents in 10 years. I've lived in a foreign country for one of them. I've learned 2 1/2 languages since 2000. I graduated from high school and college. I've lost two grandparents. I've gained sister-in-laws. I have grown in my relationship with Christ. I have learned countless things about myself. I have made life-long friends. God has given me and my family health. He has provided jobs and given innumerable other blessings. He has sustained me, through Christ.

What has been your biggest accomplishment/proudest moment?

What do you hope to do better in the next ten years?

How has your life impacted others? and been impacted by them?

What are a few of the happiest moments of this past decade?

What have you learned?

Obama's Workshop

2009-12-22T09:20:00.002-06:00

The elves of Capitol Hill have been busy in these last days, scrapping together an amusing piece of legislation aimed at “providing health-care for all Americans.” It also claims to be “deficit neutral” -- only spending American tax dollars in the first 5 years. I suppose, then, the cost will be transferred directly to the consumer. It’s Christmas, folks, not April Fools!

Some of us might be led to believe that this health care bill is for real, just like the Christmas miracle of Santa visiting all of the children of the world to deliver gifts is real. But every parent knows who actually pays Santa’s bills? Despite what Obama (I mean, Santa) says, this bill is full of spending tricks and gimmicks. The reality is that even to get the filibuster-proof 60 votes needed in the Senate, the majority had to spend money securing votes, making sweetheart deals all over the place! Senators from Nebraska, Vermont, Louisiana and others got extra money is some cases and breaks of payments in others. Ben Nelson (Nebraska) got permanent government funding for Medicaid, which other states will have to pay for under this new bill.

Besides costing too much, it will do precious little to fix the current felt problem in the healthcare economy. It will require all Americans to have healthcare and make insurance companies accept people with high risks, raising the cost of insurance for everyone. This bill is a classic example of the government putting its hands where it ought not. In essence, the government already owns the banking industry, the auto industry, the energy industry and education. This bill adds the healthcare industry, in addition to growing the bureaucracy that runs it.

Oh yes, the elves have been busy, but not making toys for us (as if we were entitled to them)! They’ve been advancing their own careers and making excuses. This is not change. Make your voice heard. Get informed. Tell Santa (I mean, Obama) that you don’t like what his elves are doing! Write to your elf and tell him (or her) that you won’t vote for him again if this spending and lack of foresight continues! Americans must think and act for themselves because the government is not looking out for us.

A Drink of Joy

2009-12-18T09:34:00.009-06:00

It was like a day out of yesterday and I drank in every bit of joy that met me as a result of it. As much as I tried to tell Jeremy that math tutoring hours closed at 9pm, I find myself up way after 10pm anyway, applying the binomial theorem and sorting out variables. My mental capacity wanes as our late night math sessions often regress into some sort of other fun or discussion. How much I treasure these times we had together. But wait, it is not Jeremy beside me, but Cody who is learning with me this time. Jeremy shows up after a long day of work for some of our warm Christmas cookies and the fun recollections of the day. He maneuvers through the kitchen with ease while he finds the perfect snack. Although the similarities between them are such that I often hear “Jeremy” come out of my mouth while addressing Cody, they are each so unique in their gifting and talents. I’ve been given this gift of three brothers and the opportunity to live with each of them through high school. Joy and thankfulness must well up from this realization, and it does.

Boring jobs.

2009-12-07T19:50:00.006-06:00

Inspired by my current work, what is the most boring job/task at work you've ever had?

I think mine is a three-way tie between:
1. De-stapling 10,000 documents.
2. Answering less than 50 calls per 8 hour shift. every. day.
3. Cutting out the bad spots of potatoes on an assembly-line.

Those days... [Irrational Fears]

2009-12-02T10:49:00.006-06:00

I remember when I was young and every time I got a really bad sore throat, I thought that it was going to close up just like it did for George Washington when he died.

What fears did you have as a child that you've since deemed irrational?

Family Times

2009-11-25T20:08:00.006-06:00

We spent last night trekking back in time… to when we set out on an adventure together – to new places and seemingly “more refined” tastes. We started out the day in snow-dusted Solway, saying good-bye to the curved driveway and bare trees. We had packed up our lives into boxes. Each of us had taken a stroll through the house with the video camera, reliving old memories and trying not to forget. For me, it was my first noteworthy venture into complete unknown. I was thankful that I had my family to go through it with the first time. Our dogs, Ginger and Blackie, are quiet and contemplative, as if they feel that was are leaving. Dad shows us the garage… the place where he created, now his vacant workbench and custom shelving. The tractor that carried our wood so many faithful years sits in the corner, to be picked up by a new owner. The yard is a dismal brown, looking so forlorn, even after the winter’s cleansing. The swing set where I first learned to pump my knees. The basketball hoop where I first went Around the World. The memories come rushing back as we view this piece of our lives.

In seconds, we find ourselves saying hello to a new house, even to a new life. First, we are introduced to the office that seemed to set this whole chaos into motion. It was a brown building with several different office spaces inside. Worldbook had the sliver office at the end. My dad was moving up in his company. I am awed by a town that was twice the size of Bemidji, MN. We caught our first views of our street, our drive home. This place would be where we opened our lives, the new chapter. The grass is green in our new manicured lawn. Here, the trees are intentionally placed and not left to come up where the wind blows the seed. As we watch, we are reminiscent of shorter trees, basketball hoop-less driveways, and old wall paper. I remember the new excitement that accompanied this house that has become so acquainted and comfortable. My room has dry-wall on all four sides!

The screen goes blue. I am torn from my reverie, being met again with the reality that it is 14 years later. It is late in the night. There is church tomorrow. All that I want to do is put in the next tape and continue to cuddle with my daddy. Times like these are precious, becoming scarcer with each passing day. I live in the same room that I did while in high school, but so much time has gone by. I can see it in the shooting height of the trees and Cody, in the extra gray hairs around dad’s ears, in my own body’s commencing physical decline. Life continues to go on, picking up speed by the minute. Most days, I long for a cave filled with now…

We hear a song or read a story, & the good feelings get don’t remain inside of us. We are either anticipating them, or we’ve had them and they are gone. We never experience them as now… I’m writing a story about a little girl who discovers a cave where there is a lasting now. – Chaim Potok [The Gift of Asher Lev, p.99]

May you enjoy your Thanksgiving with friends and family, in the now...

Best Christmas CD EVER!

2009-11-24T10:46:00.004-06:00

If you are looking for a great Christmas album for this year's season, I highly recommend Andrew Peterson's Behold the Lamb of God. It tells, not only the story of Jesus' birth, but begins at the beginning... of the universe, of time. It tells the whole story of Jesus. It is amazing. This album brought me triumphantly through my first Christmas without family, in a strange new land. Now, I listen to it remember it while I praise God's amazing plans! Buy it and love it!

Also, a small book-keeping note, I've updated blog tags so that you can search by topic. I encourage you to take a moment and enjoy some of my favorites.

No Voice

2009-11-23T19:16:00.005-06:00

I woke up on Sunday with a whisper of a voice. While my parents sometimes rejoice on those days of quiet, it's always sooooo hard for me to stay quiet and I end up pushing my voice too far only to make it worse. For someone so used to talking, it is difficult to be without it for a day, or even an hour!

However, church was a beautiful hour to be silent. Not being able to sing or even talk really made me think about the lyrics of the songs I know so well. These words had new meaning as I could not sing them, only think them, pray them, and be silent.

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.
...
High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heav'ns Son!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O ruler of all.

We "sang" this one yesterday. It was a good time of silent praise and listening!!

What's your favorite hymn/worship song?

Welcome to the Christkindlmarkt!

2009-11-21T11:00:00.004-06:00

My new header picture was taken in the Old City section of Innsbruck during the annual Christmas Market festival. There is nothing like it in all of the world. I urge you all to get to a German-style market at Christmas someday. The lights invite and the community connects. Make sure you try the Glühwein!

This time of year always makes me yearn for Tirol. Two years ago today, I first set foot in the States after my au-pair year. What a difficult homecoming it was... and still seems to be. I am a zwischenmensch... a "between person." I still feel between to worlds - both I love so much. I don't know how to come "home," or if I want to.

The lights. They're just magical.

Footwarmer.

2009-11-20T11:24:00.006-06:00

You know the boxy thing that's a part of the laptop cord that's really warm all of the time? I think that it was made to warm my little footsies while I am too lazy and stubborn to put on socks this fall/winter.

Under new inspiration, I hope to write much more often on this guy - perhaps not long posts (thank goodness!) - but thoughtful ones, hopefully helpful ones... to someone, or me. There's lots of certainty here, can you tell?

What has been the highlight of your fall?

Mine = the sunny warmer weather! Saying goodbye to summer is like saying goodbye to my bike [read: sanity] for 6 months.

Birthday Week

2009-10-28T00:27:00.006-05:00

Monday: Receive 50+ birthday greetings on a day that is not my birthday. I also threw some ice off my roof in a garbage dumpster, like Tom Cavanagh (who was actually born on Monday) did in the hit TV series, Ed (NBC).

Tuesday: Nurse my hurting arm from throwing ice into a garbage dumpster. I felt the sun for the first time in days. Summary of the rest of my day in 11 words: Johnny Depp Chai Good Convos A Long Walk Flashbacks of Austria.

Wednesday: Hasn't happened yet, but anticipated highlights include: Tea with Anna, some solid Greek reading and Hebrew grammar, and a game of Boggle.

Thursday - Tuesday (the actual birthday!): Undecided but anticipated. Ideas welcome.

A New Experience

2009-09-04T08:16:00.005-05:00

Do you remember what it was like the first time you saw Brett Favre in purple instead of green? For me, it kinda felt like the Twilight Zone (or an SNL spoof)... like he was going to rip off that Vikings uniform mid-play and become a packer again. Well, I met with a similar experience last night as I entered the *Johnson's house. The fixed structures looked the same. Counters, stairs, the table, but oh... there was a dog and cluttered counters. I have been to the Johnson's many times before and have always enjoyed being able to let myself in and grab something to drink. An unfamiliar small child (a not wholly uncommon sight) poked his head around the corner and then yelled up the stairs that someone was here. The woman that came down was not Mrs. Johnson. Indeed, she was a complete stranger. I had left myself in, unannounced and uninvited, to a total stranger's home. She politely informed me that the Johnson's had moved and gave me their new location. AWKWARD.

This whole experience was so ridiculous that I thought perhaps it was all some sort of joke - that my friends would jump out from somewhere and laugh at my guilibility. They laughed alright - and loudly - but that was in their new home several blocks away. I am glad to be able to provide some much entertainment. On the other front, I have no idea who to cheer for this fall. I was a loyal Viking fan, but cannot cheer for such a willy-nilly "gotta be in the sports news" guy. So, Packers? That seems wrong too. I might wander aimlessly into other teams' cheering sections, as I do homes.

* I changed the name to add an element of mystery :o)

God's Unique Working

2009-08-31T21:17:00.008-05:00

I had the opportunity to attend a baptism service yesterday. One of the most endearing parts of the service for me is the testimony time. It reminds me just how personal God is. Each of our God-Stories is so unique and personal. Some are awakened early in life, some don't know until near the end and still others will come early only to wander away before coming finally back to Him. God uses unimaginable circumstances to call each one of us to Him.

In the midst of this unique and personal work of God, there is much hope and purpose in me. I have hope for my unbelieving friends and relatives - that they might be awakened - and also hope for myself - that God is shaping me in a very intimate and personal way. He works in me like he works in no other. And there is purpose because I know that often times, God uses his servants to call others. Many of the testimonies from yesterday's service highlighted a person or two who was/were bold enough to share Christ with them. It takes all of the pressure off to realize that it's not ultimately up to me. It's up to God.

Really, this hope and purpose brought peace.

Riverside Review

2009-08-19T20:57:00.010-05:00

I've been reflecting a lot on my experience at Riverside this summer and I am not able to put it into words. It was more than just another summer at camp, but in a lot of ways, it was old hat. I thought I'd share some of the highlights for me, in no particular order:

1. Mischievous campers... this kid sat on the Rock of Ages and used his swimming goggles to reflect the sun into my eyes as I was talking to another staff member. And he did it for like 5 minutes before I realized it was him. His grin just melted my heart.
2. Energetic staff... I was amazed that after a full week of campers, my staff would keep going on the weekends! Out to the fair, a Timber Rattlers game, trips to town, and bowling... not to mention the movie nights and "shaloming!" I really was thankful for their dedication and energy. I definitely did NOT have that all of the time.
3. Fun activities... OK, this might be too much patting myself on the back, but I think the program was a lot of fun for campers! I enjoyed being ridiculous and crazy for three weeks and having people listen to me! When I had on my princess crown, I commanded attention. We played in the mud, did game shows and Bible trivia, ran around with ice, played ultimate frisbee and of course, played Womp 'Em.

4. Good God... man, I was, by some estimation, thrown into this programming gig at the last second, but God was not surprised by it. I was taught a lot in this month about the Lord's care and provision for each of us. There were hard moments, moments that I felt completely alone although I never was. Other times, it was just sweet. I remember the night that some staff throw me an "unbirthday party" (it's a long story, really) and I got to sit in the midst of these dear ones, eating homemade turtle cheesecake and worshiping the Lord. You can't buy these times! The Lord is good.

Thanks for reading and praying for me (us). I hope to be more thoughtful/profound later.

Liking the Now

2009-08-10T12:03:00.007-05:00

Sometimes swallowing what God has for me is difficult, I'll admit it. I've been attempting to find the path for the past few years and making decisions at a series of doors. Each door points me in a different direction, with a new set of challenges and opportunities. I've applied to programs and been denied. I've accepted job offers and now, quit those jobs. I've taken the Graduate Record Exam and applied to school in Scotland. I've said "yes" to programming at Riverside. Doors open and close.

Scotland liked me, offered me an unconditional spot this fall and now, another detour hits. I couldn't keep enough balls in the air to get the visa and funding I needed in time so I've deferred my entry for one year. I am trying to swallow this new challenge and look at it as a blessing, or at least a learning experience. I am attempting to "like the now" I find myself in. And I must admit, it's getting easier as I look at the friends and family whose lives I get to be a part of in this coming year. I know that I will not always be around. I'm enjoying the new friendships that have come from camp and also the ability I'll have to maintain older ones from college and even high school. I miss Austria more than ever. I miss hearing German on every corner. I'm trying to give everything over to the Lord. It's a hard, yet wonderful now.

Yes, I'm liking the now...

Last Days

2009-07-10T21:18:00.006-05:00

The hard thing about being adventurous is that you have to leave a lot and say goodbye. I do not "do goodbyes" well. Today was my last day of work before camp happens and graduate school starts. Yes, I was accepted to the University of Edinburgh for the fall. I'm excited to get back to school... and to explore Scotland!

With all this new adventure, it means saying goodbye to friends, co-workers, and family. And evidently, I'm rather nostalgic. I like to remember all of the experiences I have in a place... to walk the halls one last time... to drink one last cup of good tea... to remember each picture up at my desk... heck, I brought home 10,000 used staples from me desk because I could not say goodbye to them all in one day.

Leaving is such a surreal experience. Sometimes I think it is easier to stay. The same routine. That's nice. But staying means saying no to an incredible adventure!!! I can't believe that God would send me on yet another overseas journey. I am so thankful for His provision. It will build such faith to step out like this again. I guess that's the whole reason I do it.

But first, camp!

Ketchup.

2009-05-12T20:38:00.006-05:00

So, evidently writing has not been a priority in these last days and months! My apologies to the three of you who read here.

Life is still clipping away. I sat for the GRE and I'm glad it is over. I would have liked to have a bit more brain power in the math section, but I think I did okay. The next step is finishing up my applications for graduate school, a process that is delayed a bit by the 6 hour time difference between here and the UK when corresponding with profs and registrars. In due time I suppose.

I got to spend a delicious weekend in Milwaukee/Chicago/Madison a few back to catch up with some lifelong friends. I am always amazed at how refreshing it is to be seen and heard by ones so close to me. Amber and I laughed a lot. Tom and I spoke a lot of English. Luke, Kelsey and I played a lot of mind games. I had lots of relational exercise!

I will leave you with the latest pool statistics: Tuesday, May 12, 2009... Jaime, 2 games; Cody, 3 games. I began losing my momentum after I soberly called the 18 ball in the corner pocket. :o)

Ten New Words.

2009-04-07T20:38:00.006-05:00

My goal is 300 new words by April 30th, when I will sit for the GRE. My pace is ten new words each day.

Today's words:
prevaricate
relegate
ennui
extemporaneous
untrammeled
truculent
pugnacious
temerity
excoriated
chicanery

Awhile.

2009-03-26T21:49:00.005-05:00

It seems like the best thing to do to get blogging again is just write... something or anything.

I was in Florida last week. It was wonderfully warm and sunny. My mom, Codster and I drove down to visit my grandma who is in a nursing home down there. She and my grandpa retired down there at the retirement village for the Mission that they were with in Africa. Anyway, we stayed and the village while we visited grandma. I loved talking with all of the retirees because most of them knew of me through my grandparents and mother. Many of them had taught or lived in Jos with them. It's always so cool to hear the stories and I'm just blown away by their dedication to the Lord.

I have a new project at work. It involves taking the staples out of about 2,500 documents - each averaging 2 staples. It's in an effort to get the documents scanned so that if we lost the paper copy due to flood, fire or terrorism, we'd still be okay. I have cut the time in takes me to do 150 from 2 hours to 1 hour. It's just as boring though. I like to be efficient.

There. I'm fairly certain that more thoughtful thoughts will come soon. I have been writing, just not near my blog. So, tell me how you all have been doing!

mission.

2009-02-22T09:39:00.008-06:00

I created a "wordle" to display my personal mission statement that encompasses things that are most important to me.
What do you think?

Hands Full.

2009-02-11T18:04:00.005-06:00

Last night, I came into the darkened garage to find mom's van gone and a mine-field before me. It smelled of dog poo, but I could not see a thing. I shuffled in along the wall and tried to make an educated guess as to where Tasha had NOT been. Step. Whew. The motion-sensor light, however, remained off. My hands were full of my day and I needed to make another step. My eyes began to adjust to the lack of light and I could see shades of dark and light on the floor. I avoided the dark places and made another step of faith. Whew. The light blinked on, illuminating the rest of my trip to the door into the house.

In my mind, something else was happening. I was thinking about life and how I find myself in a darkened garage wondering which direction to move, really not wanting to step in #@%*. Scheiße. How do I make those decisions? How do you?

Snow-roof-ball.

2009-02-08T17:50:00.009-06:00

Roof ball in the winter is a whole new ball game! I won't say that it's even more fun that the other variations because summer barefoot roof ball and rain roof ball is super fun, but winter definitely brings some new challenges. The snow on the roof for instance... it makes the ball resemble a Plink-o chip and sometimes it gets stuck. Cody had to boost me up on the roof to rearrange the snow and retrieve the ball several times. That was only after we threw our hands numb with snow balls trying to dislodge the ball from its hole. The snow on the ground also poses a problem... It's a foot deep in spots, but also packed into large piles in others. It made for jumping, climbing, and flying in pursuit of the next play. Let's just say that at the end of the game [i won!], we were soaked to the core, laughed-out and dog-tired.

It was a beautiful day. I also knocked myself out for about an hour in the snowbank today. That sun, it was just gorgeous and warm! I couldn't help but smile as I napped in its rays. The birds chatting, the ice melting, the icicles dropping off the roof and crashing me awake. There is hope of even more warmth out there... someday. It's been a good sabbath... and back to work tomorrow.

Perfect Couple.

2009-02-02T17:36:00.007-06:00

What an utter joy it was to be at Luke and Kelsey's wedding this weekend! It was a perfect nearly spring day, with bright sunshine and warm temperatures. I got to wear a new, fun dress and $7.00 black heels, but enough about that.

Lukey and Kelsey pledged their love and commitment to one another on Saturday. It simply amazes me to see the power of love, to see them giving their lives for the other. This deep love and care breeds commitment, life-long. It reminds me how much I desire this love someday, but also about how much of a coward I am to enter into it, not to mention my unpreparedness! In any event, it is so wonderful to see... refreshing.

I've known Luke since the awkward "bowl-cut" days. He is one of my best friends. I've just met Kelsey this year, but it feels like she grew up with us too! She makes Luke so happy. It was delightful to see him beam as she came down the aisle. She was a beautiful bride.

A few of the highlights: Steve and Jeremy singing "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz at the ceremony. Sitting with the Perris and Handlers for dinner. Dancing my legs off. Seeing the men of Woodlands following Jeremy's dance instructions. Hugging the newlyweds goodbye and wishing them FUN in Breckenridge. Transfering wedding gifts for the 2nd of us in the Quad to get married. Drifiting off to sleep with a little grin on my face for the perfect couple.

It was all just priceless.

Asher.

2009-01-26T20:35:00.007-06:00

If you've talked to me in these last years about literature, you will have surely heard me tell you about Asher Lev, the inspiring creation of Chaim Potok. He is an observant Hasidic Jew who is also an artist. I am halfway through The Gift of Asher Lev for the 2nd time in 8 months. The idea for "The Cave of Now" comes from this book. This book is worth every second of your life that you put into it.

The section I am in now is when Asher is asked to address a yeshiva class about art. He starts with simple questions about why we draw, what we draw, etc... but eventually gets to the deeper events of art. He says, "Art happens when what is seen becomes mixed with the inside of a person who is seeing it." [p.135] It is interpretation of the world around us. He drew a picture of a ram in several different styles, emphasizing different parts of the ram that the artist might see and interpret. It is amazing to think that we each have this power to interpret. I may not be an artist who paints or sings, but I write. What I write is a reflection of how the world around me hits me.

A few pages later, Asher connects this to the idea of the cave of now. A drawing. A painting. Capture something forever. Can see it all at one time. No future, no past. Only a perpetual this-moment, only nowness. While a painting or a piece of music or a passage of writing is a rendering of the artist's "now," it can also be interpreted in the future. Those of us in present time can only attempt to know the intention of the author, singer or painter from 100 years ago, let alone 2,000! And yet, God gave me a Helper to enlighten my mind toward correct interpretation of His Word.

Oh, I am loving Asher for how he helps me think about life. Chaim does not give me all of the answers, but invites me to get dirt under my nails and I dig through it all. It's good.

His First Day in Heaven

2009-01-16T00:35:00.006-06:00

The sky is so blue in this arctic freezer. My clothes make no effort to stop the frigidness from stabbing my body ruthlessly and forever. It makes me feel alive, though painfully. The heat in my car, though new, only makes it feel like a drafty hunting shack. Even the sun looks like it has a layer of ice surrounding it.

The first time I've ever read Jack refer to his father as "dad." Dad has moved on to a place where he can see Jesus face to face. My mind cannot fathom what it is like to lose your best friend of so many years. I did not get to meet Guil, although I feel like I know him - the parts of him that Jack has inherited and become.

There is sadness, knowing that you won't be able to talk about the latest race or revel in the newest soaring stock. He won't be participating in any more coffee clutches. There are so many memories to wade through. The small things, you'll miss. There is stress and exhaustion, thinking about all that must go into grieving and planning for life after dad. eventually. How will mother cope? How will you? But woven through each of these layers is vibrant joy, like sunshine -- Dad did not waste his life! He spent it on the One... And there is more joy, for he is with Him now! He can see Jesus face to face.

It is odd today. Odd for us, but even more odd for him... His first day in Heaven. ... I think I have the wrong size wings. ... When's lunch? ... Whoa, look at all those stars down there! He can see, think and move more clearly than he ever has before. He is not hindered by sin. What joy there is in this day!! He is fully alive, though for us, it is painful.

Infuse, the End of an Era

2009-01-11T15:41:00.010-06:00

I stepped into the chapel after most had left and turned on all the lights. As I stood in the back, I recounted all that God had infused into me at this camp. I was trained in life and ministry here, more than in any classroom. It is so home to me.

[click] I turn one light out. I think about how terrified I was at the prospect of cabin-leadering as a junior in high school. What if my campers don't like me? or listen to me? What? - I have to plan a devotion? now, 6? God took over and I learned.

[click.] There was a strange feeling in me as I left my first week of being activities director. Could God have more for me here? Somehow, the answer came YES, but it was very subtle and quiet.

[click.] Two summers of programming taught me more about myself, about what my body can do and about what happens when my body shuts down from exhaustion. I learned even more as I gave up control to the Master of the Universe. I learned to nap on a musty chapel pew surrounded by rowdy campers, manage many staff members and lead large group games. As I play the snapshots in my mind, I see campers loving one another, meeting Christ, and struggling through life together. I see lots of smiles and laughs.

[click.] It is nearly dark now. I moved to Austria, left with a hole the size of Riverside in my heart. I ached for a place to use these gifts that I had developed and been so affirmed in. It's super hard to lead in a different language. :o) I wipe the tears from my face as I think about the hours I spent on the bridge over the river during my re-entry into the States. Those were sweet times in the arms of Jesus, weeping for the hole in my heart now shaped like Austria. I was soothed again by the gentle rushing water flowing between the large rocks.

[click.] One last programming gig before the full time program director takes her post. I have spent so much energy for this camp... wanting so much that Christ would be seen and magnified in it. I was infused with God's love and grace this weekend. My weakness only made His strength more evident.

I turn, back again and I wave sliding slowly backwards as the last click clicks off...

The end of an era, and it's so hard to say goodbye.

Run.

2008-12-20T09:44:00.010-06:00

"I'm not a very good runner," she said, and I wondered what that could mean. How hard is it to put one foot quickly in front of the other and sorta jump a little bit while doing it? I guess she just tuckers out too easily.

My issue with running is simply the decision to do it. I hate it. I hate it almost as much as the deification of Brett Farve, but not quite. That is much more loathsome.

Lately, I've been running a lot, in the metaphorical sense. Running from life, responsibility, adulthood, etc... It's just that all of these decisions and things that I'm supposed to be getting better at, well, I'm not. I'm losing it. And I'm running in the wrong direction.

And then David says, "When I am afraid, I put my trust in You. In God, whose word I praise, in God, I trust." [Psalm 56,4,] and then "My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast." [Psalm 57,7]. These words turn me upside down. I'm running in the wrong direction.

Please pray. Pray that I would put my trust in God when I'm afraid. Pray that my heart would be steadfast. Pray that I would run in the right direction, and learn to love running that way.

Thanks.

A Reverie

2008-12-03T21:18:00.006-06:00

Forests draped in snow remind me of an enchanted forest… One where it is never too dark to explore. It is full of Christmas trees and new places not on any map. It is on a hill, this forest, a foot hill, of the mighty Bettelwurf – a giant just east of Innsbruck . There are deer tracks marking the primitive path up toward the clearing over the ridge. The snow is often knee deep up there even if it is dry in town. My guide knows all of the ways and doesn’t get lost – at least most of the time. But being lost in this magical forest is really a blessing. This forest is enchanted.

The spell that this forest casts is to forget. There is no time in this forest. No deadlines, financial worries, responsibilities, stress or troublesome thoughts cloud the air here. They are not allowed in this forest. These are driven out be the peace that comes from the Creator of this special sanctuary. There is another forest, just off of Rosnerweg, but the effect is much less calming. There are people in that forest, but in this forest, our forest, it is me, my guide and calm. It is very easy to forget here.

The crisp air in this forest greets my nostrils and wakes up my lungs. The invitation to this place is always anticipated by my soul if not by my weary body. It is an invitation to forget my age and fly down the root-laden path on a bicycle or sing a song at the top of my lungs to the birds. Come to forget, this forest says, not forever, just while I have you. This place is not an ultimate escape from life’s issues, but a temporary forgetting so that I might actually remember who I really am for the Creator of all this created me as well.

There is a saying printed on the cross at the top of the Thaur Zunterkopf that states: There are many ways to God, and one of them is over the mountains. There is one way to God, that is through faith in Jesus… but there may be many ways that God uses to stir my soul to believe this Truth… I may not find God in an empty dank church, riddled with religious artifacts. I may find Him in my enchanted forest calling me to retreat.

Codster.

2008-11-17T18:00:00.004-06:00

On November 17, 1993, our little world was blessed with the the addition of Cody Randall Sherf.

My younger brother brings such joy to my life. Since being home again, he and I have spent so much time together. We toss the frisbee in the front yard and pigs over the back roof. We play pool in the basement and teach each other our own dance moves. We fight really well and laugh even better! I love my brother... always my baby brother.

So, Cody - on your birthday, I'd just like to wish you a great, head-ache-less one! My prayer is that God would grow you into a man after His own heart! He loves you even more than I do! Thanks for all of the silly times, for barking like a dog, and listening to my British-accented reading. You are a joy... and no matter how old you get, I'll always remember how messy you leave the table around you when you leave:

Don't bother cleaning up after yourself!

oh medical release forms.

2008-11-16T18:05:00.006-06:00

This weekend we found our way to Fridley, MN for the 2nd quiz trip of the year. It was my first trip fully in charge, toting the medical release forms for my 9 quizzers. As I packed my bag for the trip, I thought to myself, I'd really like to bring this delicious book [My Name is Asher Lev], but will I really ever have time to read it? I remembered this book, sitting on my bed, as I sat in the emergency room clutching a medical form that I didn't ever want to need.

The quiz morning started out normal enough - except that we were early to the quiz for the first time in history. I registered and found my other Wisconsin coach friends and quiz masters. The morning was full of grueling quizzing. These MN teams are just good! And then, just after lunch, the trajectory of my trip altered drastically as Scott said that Josh had been injured. My focus was no longer on quizzing or the after-party, but on Josh.

I found him in a heap at the bottom of the staircase with Ryan, Danny and Scott hovering about him. His right arm was bent in the wrong places and swelling up fast. Thankfully, Judy and Gary arrived moments later and had more sanity to direct the situation. Plans were made to get Josh to help and keep an eye on the eight others that were roaming around.

Check in. Triage. What's your date of birth? Where are you hurt [duh!]? Please wait. Gee, can we get this guy something for the pain? Are you his mother? [holy cow, do i look that old?!] He'll see the doctor now? What happened? Where are you hurt [double duh!]? I'll be right back. jokes lighten the mood. What am I going to do? Wait. Drugs. Call to cancel. Call to reinstate. Call to update. Wait.

Why didn't I bring Asher to get my mind off of this? Wait. I'm so glad you are here Judy. X-rays. Timetable? Wait. You are doing great Josh. more paperwork. Sign here. Do you consent? Quizzing? Oh yeah, we came to quiz. Wait. Wait alone now.

Where is Asher? Who can I call? Wait. Josh is awake again, after reduction. Joy. Surgery may come, but the pain is lessened. We'll get your prescription. Wait, but not alone. Listen. Take notes on care. Elevate. Ice. Get the swelling down. Move your sausage-y fingers. Got the prescription. Good. Gone.

We reunited with the team and got on our way much later than expected. Thankfully, God kept us safe and awake through the drive. I am amazed at how much God gives... even when I forget to ask. We are home safe and Josh is with his family. Oh, I am thankful. so thankful. I am thankful that God is in control and gives strength for all things. I'm thankful for Judy, Gary and the Heitzmans. I'm thankful to be able to type and write and have the capacity to play a trumpet [though not the skill]. I'm thankful for doctors and mothers. I am especially thankful for morphine [not for me!]. Some bright spots: I am one of very few who now knows Josh's middle name and who has seen inside his stomach [via ultrasound]. Yes, we have bonded over a broken arm.

Be well Josh.

Birthdays Birthdays

2008-11-03T17:47:00.008-06:00

There have been lots of great memories of this day and celebrations of this day – the day God brought me into this world. And as each one comes and goes and I reflect on them, I become more and more thankful for God’s good provision for me… of family and friends from so many cultures and stages of life. I am truly thankful for all of you.

Some birthday memories:

1991 – The overnight blizzard on Halloween and none of my sleepover guests had boots. I have clear images still in my mind of my daddy carrying my tennis-shoed friends to our station wagon to bring them home after the party.

1993 – What? I’m getting a brother? Yes, I got a really cool bday present exactly TWO weeks after my day.

1994 – My daddy took me to Chicago [we flew from Bemidji , MN ] for a long weekend.

1999 – Sweet 16 – first boy-girl party. Sixteen Candles was my favorite song for weeks.

2003 – First birthday away from home. My cousin KayLynn brought me a huge cake and balloons at NWC and my parents sent me flowers.

2004 – I heard my name over the loud speaker at Sentry Insurance to call security [dream fulfilled] and they wished me a happy birthday. The next day, I forgot my security badge and when I called them to let me in, they were convinced I had forgotten it because I was out carousing on my 21^st birthday.

2006 – My au-pair family threw me a fancy 4-course dinner party. It was my first birthday party where one of the only things I understood was when they sang me Happy Birthday in English. The cards and emails I received from the States were completely overwhelming!

2007 – I organized a photo scavenger hunt in the old city section of Innsbruck for my Austrian friends. The memories made there were so sweet! On the night of my birthday, I attended my first Austrian Ball. I thought I was dreaming.

2008 – Well, I had an “un-birthday” celebration at Riverside this summer when Maria took my joke about July 23 being my birthday seriously. We had “un-birthday cookies” and they sang me “Happy un-birthday.”

On my real birthday this year, I just turned a ¼ century. That’s kind of monumental. Mama bought me a gigantic warm cookie and milk to dunk it in for lunch [dessert.] And the State of WI and the city of Stevens Point decided to unveil one of the most critical exit ramps in the city along I-39 just for the special day. I do feel appreciated.

blank.

2008-10-24T23:26:00.003-05:00

I have not blogged in a little while. It’s definitely not that nothing note-worthy has happened or that I have not had time to record it. It is simply that my blog has been blank or that my mind has been blocked [or lazy] to write. Well, it ends right here, right now!

You heard about my lovely weekend across the border [in MN], but you’ve missed out on the adventures south of here last weekend. The Plover quiz team trekked down to the bluffs of Prairie du Chien for the first quiz meet of the 08-09 year. Our Luke-filled brains, piled out of the large Mennigan van after 4+ hours of driving. It was my first time coaching and for all of the arm-chair coaching I’d done in the past, I discovered that I was woefully lacking any ability. There are things like momentum, timeouts, scoring and encouragement [not to mention team dynamics and mediatorship!!] to be considered. Yikes. Well, we made it through with minor injury. Literally. Danny whacked his head on a pole during the lunch game of 500, but he was okay and his quizzing even improved! My team is a superstitious one… Things like, I always do well in this chair/side/shirt or maybe I’ll do better without my hat are often thrown about the room. On the way home, we experienced Wisconsin ’s largest corn maze, located in Lodi . It was… cold. Some of us forgot to bring warm clothes and others of us forgot that muddy shoes shouldn’t be put on van seats. We laughed a lot.

Another bit of blankness that broods beneath my surface is this seemingly insurmountable task of contacting people for support raising as I return to Austria . My skills at procrastination and rationalizing said procrastination are truly astounding – something to be praised if they weren’t so stinkin’ wrong! And still again, God’s grace opens my eyes to see His fingerprints on my life and this process. He comes at the just-right moments to give strength and relief and motivation… How motivating the gospel has been for me in these moments! My heart for Austria grows with each thought of the dark hopelessness that exists there now contrasted with the bright hope the gospel brings! I am truly amazed that God would ask me to be apart of this spreading of this burning hope. So, pray for me as I contact and get others onboard with this great work!

a few of my dear friends.

2008-10-13T18:00:00.004-05:00

Kristin - you are brave and counselor-like ;o)

Mandy - you are diligently relational. And well, cuter than you are big ;o)

Jack - you are committed to my meeting your high expectations for me. :o)

and Peggy [we didn't get a pic!] - you are amazingly great at cribbage!!

Maybe not tomorrow.

2008-10-13T17:17:00.007-05:00

I was able to spend the weekend with dear friends from college this past weekend. We caught up and laughed and played cribbage and fought and prayed. And something struck me as all of this was happening: I began to see again how faithful God is to act in our lives.

Prayers that we've prayed for ourselves and others are being answered in power by God. People are coming into relationship with Him. Ministries are growing and churches are reaching out into the world. God's Word is going forth into the valleys of western Austria, spoken from courageous men and women there. I am incredibly encouraged.

Yet also, families are falling apart, boyfriends are confusing and non-responsive, parties are awkward and make us feel like freaks. We oversleep through church. Life keeps coming at us in discouraging ways. Our weaknesses keep visiting us.

And for me, it's easy to focus on the discouragements more than the encouragements, making my faith in my Faithful God dwindle. Add to that the fact that movies portray months and years of life within 1.5 short hours. I see pain and then relief come almost instantaneously, assuring me that my "real-time" life must be failing miserably at making progress at any rate!

But, oh, how sweet is God's gracious help here... to remind me of his faithfulness. Some of my desires and prayers may not be answered until I'm 50. Or 73. God will give patience. Some friends will find Jesus because of my witness. God will have been the Light shining from me. Families can be refortified in any season - it must not be right now, though I'd like to bypass the pain sometimes. In the midst of all this, I [read: we] can be assured that God hears our prayers and knows our hearts. He will answer, just maybe not tomorrow.

I'd still like to praise Him today.

Is Change Coming?

2008-10-08T17:57:00.004-05:00

So, one of the main topics on this year’s presidential election is “change.” We want politics to change, war to change, the economy to change. We don’t like how it’s been. And it seems like each candidate is trying to win the votes by promising to reform and change the way things work. Well, how much can one man or woman really accomplish this on his/her own? They can initiate new programs and regulate existing ones. They can spend or save, sign or not sign, go to war or stay out of it. Truly, the President of the United States has a lot of power, but so do we.

I was thinking today about what this country might look like in a couple years… Perhaps the President was surprisingly able to implement some new great program to boost the economy or educate children. Maybe even, things are going well in Afghanistan and Iraq and Israel is still around. And yet, it would look somewhat similar… people gripping about this and that, while wishing for change. At least I’m pretty sure that’s what I’ll unfortunately be engaging in!

What if, just if, instead of waiting for Washington to change the restrictions on us, we made our own restrictions – for ourselves – to spur on the change we want to see. Instead of waiting for abortion to become illegal, perhaps we would volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center. While waiting for Washington to figure out how to bail out Fannie and Freddie, let’s become better stewards of our own money and not rely on shaky loans just because they accept our poor credit, if we have it. If going green is your thing, buy those energy-saving light bulbs [and recycle] that help the environment before you write to your senator to save the Alaskan outback. Be like Greg Mortensen, who instead of sitting back and waiting for the soldiers to “make a better way” for Afghanistan and Pakistan , decided to raise money and go build a school for the poor children living in the village of Korphe . These are all things that have the power to change our world, not just our country.

I’m just saying that blaming Washington might never quit unless we take some personal responsibility for our own actions. So, Obama or McCain? I have my leanings, but what about taking some of our own power back?!

What words are

2008-10-01T18:07:00.007-05:00

I have not yet been able to articulate exactly what I’m thinking about this concept of “word.” I love words because meaning is conveyed and pictures are painted by the use of them. Proverbs is filled with dichotomies between the wise and foolish use of words. Words directly reveal what is in our hearts. The Earth was created with a word from God. Jesus is the Word, who created, saved, and will rule this universe.

And some of this power has been given to me – to us – to exercise. I use this power whenever I open my lips or pick up my pen [or computer, as it is]. Will I kill or give life? I guess that’s up to what’s inside my heart, the wellspring of my life. God’s Word always gives life because His heart can only be filled with Holy, life-giving things. Psalm 19 reveals how God’s Word/law revives, purifies, endures, gives joy and light to its hearers. My words? – Well, they need a lot of time on the stove of my mind so that the evil will prayerfully burn off.

I often pride myself in a beautifully turned sentence or even just a pair of words – ones that depict a vivid scene or evoke a powerful feeling. I spent much of my life rearranging the pieces of my word puzzles that eventually [or hopefully] become sentences. As I do this, I hope that undergirding Truth becomes evident because if it doesn’t, then they are just pretty nothings.

And what of when I do not have time to play with them, when I must simply speak my mind/heart on the spot? Even here, I must be vigilant, not letting that any murderous words come bubbling forth without restraint. But I also think that it would just be better if I sieved what went into my heart by God’s Word, kind of like Proverbs 4:20-28 suggests. Or like that kids’ song goes – Oh be careful little eyes, what you see…Oh be careful little ears, what you hear… [Why do I think that I grow out of the stage of preaching this to myself?] In this way, the probability of God’s life-giving Words coming out of my mouth increases.

Oh words, they are scarily delightful… like little flames!

new furniture

2008-10-01T17:39:00.006-05:00

I have begun to furnish my cave of now. A table felted in sky blue [July at 8:00pm] with six holes, one in each corner and two along the long sides sits in the corner of the cave. Sixteen balls, one slightly smaller than the others, half of which are striped and the other solid, sit scattered atop the felt. Six slender poles hang from the side wall, each with its own character and tendency. This table has paid for itself 1000 times over in the time, laughter and conversations that have happened around it. Cody has tripped out the sound system by installing 8 speakers about the space. Literally, the ceiling [and corresponding floor] shakes when we rock down there. Lately, I’ve been revisiting my childhood while dancing crazily to DC Talk’s Nu Thang. And well, let’s just say that I won the laughing contest Cody and I had last night!

The second new addition to my cave is much smaller – a board about 12 inches long with approximately 390 tiny holes in it. Most of the holes form three lines curving from start to finish. The box proudly boasted that these lines were “color-coded, to prevent track jumping.” This board, together with a standard deck of poker cards, brings many laughs, languages and wonderful cribbage hands into this cave. It is our wind-down from the boisterous billiards played below.

I must enjoy this time I have with my family for the day will come when I will be putting new and different things in my now cave, but I guess that’s the whole idea behind the cave – enjoy today as much as you remember yesterday and anticipate tomorrow.

perspective.

2008-09-27T09:03:00.007-05:00

I've been noticing something these last several commutes to and from work. As I drive in, the sun is fresh & the light is new. It is at my back. The colors seem muted & almost groggy as the sun climbs. The fields are quiet... somehow. And, well, when I'm coming back, the sun is tired & wasted. It is at my back. It's as if it has worked all day making things beautiful & full of life. The trees lining the Custer fields are worn and drooping, but in the most elegant way, as if calling young dreamers to come and sit.

And then, I think: how much of this interpretation of the day & sun is clouded - nay, affected by my own perspective and feeling of groggy-worn-out-ness? It is so "in the moment." The truth is that the sun is always beaming brightly somewhere... & the trees and fields, well, the could be somewhat tired because of the sun, but couldn't it also be me projecting my own weariness? At best, it is my interpretation from inside of the timezones instead of on the sun's surface. And how often do I tell God which shot to make when I'm stuck near the side behind the 2-ball, projecting my own predicament onto the rest of the table?

Yes, these thoughts come to me as I drive. Mostly though, I am floored at the beauty & color of God's creation... the yellowing fields, reddening trees & bizarrely this year, greening grass! I saw Custer-hill alive with color against the soft blue sky and purpling clouds & my word, I must sing at this!!! & not some sappy hip-gyrating love song, but something bigger and just as alive, with feeling & praise to the One who did it all.

Translation, please.

2008-09-25T22:21:00.019-05:00

What do the following words have in common?

Seguros

Vakuutusosyhtio

Assicurazioni

Verzekering

Assurance

I had a lot of fun at work today :o)

Recent Reading

2008-09-20T08:40:00.008-05:00

When it gets cold and rainy outside in the fall, I'm definitely saddened, but the best comfort has been curling up under a blanket with some new book! I make my list of Dewey numbers and trek to the library. Actually, these ones came to me in different ways.

For me, The Kite Runner began as my EmyJs book. I read it as I was in the coffee shop, but... well, it just got too good and I had to own it, so... I bought it! Hosseini tells an exquisite story. He paints a picture of Kabul, Afghanistan during the last 30 years of conflict. It covers friendship, loyalty and forgiveness as it follows the history of two boys growing up in Kabul. I'd recommend this book to anyone who can read [well, maybe not young readers!]. To be honest, I wept through it. And now, I am entranced with all things Afghanistan.

I also get hungry for some theology in the fall. Perhaps it's because every one is going back to school. Jack recommended [and gave] me a copy of A Reason for God. Timothy Keller addresses popular objections to believe in God in a really straight-forward and readable way. It's fun to come up with the logical fallacies along with him. It's been a good lunch-break book.

Of course, I've got to have a Piper in my pile so Stand came as a result of some clicks around Desiring God's website. I haven't really started in on the meat of it, but the idea is that we must persevere through life with faith in God instead of just giving up [which I'm prone to do] when the incline steepens on the trek. This book is actually a summarization of the 2007 National Conference, with chapters by the contributing speakers. It's a thin book, definitely a rapid read.

The last one that I've been investing in is another Jack recommendation [Jack, I really will read anything you recommend, even though I didn't read any of the books you required for class!] and it's about picking stocks. One Up on Wall Street has helped me understand the market and in light of recent days, made me more conversant in current events. Peter Lynch tells story upon story of his own successes [and failures] on using common knowledge to "out smart" the Wall Street experts. Unfortunately, you'll have to wait a few weeks if you want to check it out from the library in Stevens Point because I've got it checked out!

So, what's on your fall reading list?

Stopping to smell the memories.

2008-09-13T12:11:00.005-05:00

As summer starts to leave central Wisconsin, I am overloaded with memories of my first months in Austria. I wander through this field of wild flowers, stopping to smell these memories, trying to hold them awhile longer. I invite them into my cave of now.

I walked the streets of Innsbruck this week. In rain, snow and sun, I bopped in and out of shops in the Altstadt. I expertly wove my way through heaps of tourists from Japan, Europe and the States. I visited the familiar places: Tom's Gelateria, Tyrolia, Müller in the Rathhaus, and Katzung Café. I waited at bus stops, calculating stop times and planning routes between friends' flats and home. I felt every turn and bump on the J Line as it climbed toward Hungerburg. I listened to my Europe songs, in minor keys, as I bundled up once again to hike up the last 10 minutes to home: Rosnerweg 14. I sipped sour tea as I reached the Kaiser Saule, goal #2 on my first mountain trek. I overheard German, lots of it. I stumbled through some conversations myself. It was all so... so present, like I was experiencing it now again for the first time. This field of memories was sweet to meander through, to receive therapy in.

And then this morning, I woke up to rain on the roof. For a split second, I thought that I was in Innsbruck again, with the rain splattering up against my window on my basement apartment. I nestled further into my comforter and dreamt of slow mornings at the house, ironing, washing the dishes and cooking for 7 at lunch.

I finally pulled myself out of bed to make some hot chocolate [Austrian style] and then curled up with my journal and Bible. I sipped the Psalms in, settling in on chapter 10, 16-18. The LORD is king forever and ever; the nations perish from his land. [v.16] his land... All of the land I see is God's. I thought of this book I'm reading, The Kite Runner, and the oppression that Amir and his Baba faced, not to mention what Ali and Hassan met, during the Russian occupation of Afghanistan in the early 1980s. I could write for ages about how this ugliness makes me feel and think about my apathy [and the apathy of others], but the Psalms reassured me this morning that God hears the cry of the oppressed and he will defend the fatherless [10,17-18]. This earth belongs to Christ, the King, My King. I loved God then, I mean, even more [or more clearly], that He cares the most and in the best way. He cannot be apathetic.

It is these mornings, the slow lingering ones with God, that I miss most about my Austrian year. I grew so much in my dependence on Him and in realizing the humility it takes to learn life in a foreign land. God enabled each move and memory.

Thank you, LORD, for each flower in this field that I've been exploring lately!! You are so good

Haziness

2008-09-09T21:30:00.004-05:00

I have spent the last several days at work reading binders, textbooks and websites. I'm trying to get my mind around this big thing called, "my job duties," in this new position. I feel like a blind monk trying to figure out that an elephant is standing next to him by only feeling around its feet and legs. It is a hazy cloud that will not seem to lift. I used to like this learning process, but I believe that I'm growing impatient with myself.

Each night, I come home exhausted and can't muster much beyond sitting on my couch, though tonight I managed to get the cheapest gas at the co-op and make Cody bark like a dog all the way there! That was a riot!

And well, tomorrow, it's back to discerning more of this elephant - or whatever decides to emerge.

Ciao.

Last Night

2008-09-05T12:43:00.009-05:00

I spent a good part of last evening reading about how to
blog better. I followed tons of links and became more discouraged with every click. Compared to other “professional bloggers,” I blog horribly, breaking nearly every rule… especially the “write shorter blogs” rule.

In the midst of my self-loathing, I stumbled across Dave’s Thoughts on progress. Perhaps it’s not so much about numbers and instant effectivness, but lasting impact that comes from God’s Spirit working through my faithful and thoughtful writing. It made me think also about my goal in blogging… it’s to become a better writer and inform people about my life, this cave of now that I find myself in. I don’t need bullet points and tons of pictures. The one thing I was happy about is learning the html code for linking!!!

Love the sinner, or the sin?

2008-09-02T21:49:00.005-05:00

In the midst news coverage exposing Bristol Palin’s teen pregnancy, I am stand at a fork in the road, asking this question: How do I continue to despise sin while accepting and reaching out to the one who sins? One the one hand, I readily desire to embrace sinful people [and myself] in love and forgiveness. On the other, I find myself becoming more and more comfortable and desensitized to sin… I become okay with it. Divorce, teen pregnancy, and lying – God hates them all – and yet, I so easily dismiss them. Vice Presidential candidate, Sarah Palin’s daughter, Bristol, made a mistake, like we all do… so I can understand that. I can sympathize with small amounts of willpower, self-control and making poor decisions. I can especially identify with being painfully exposed in my sin by the pure, gracious Light of God. But all too often, I find myself inviting sin in for an afternoon tea. I am numb to the wrongness and ugliness of disobeying God. What to do?

My only conclusion is that God has the equilibrium in this dangerous tightrope walk. Jesus does not throw stones at the sinful woman, yet he overturns the tables of the money-changers. He cares for the Samaritan woman, though she’s had five “husbands.” And if God has this ability, then doesn’t He also want me to have it and also have the ability to give it to me?

Pray that I would be able to love people toward holiness. Pray also that others would love me toward that too.

Concerts, Opening Ceremonies and Cribbage

2008-08-30T23:33:00.005-05:00

This 3-day weekend has begun with a bang!! And there are still two days left of it! Rock on!

Last night, Ann and I took a little road trip up to Merrill, WI for a concert at OTTS Garage. This place is just plain cool... cool look, cool people, even cooler God, just cool! It was definitely the place to be on a Friday night in Merrill too! We saw Survive the Drive and Hyland perform. Good shows, for sure! And we decided that we'd hang out in Merrill again :o)

And then today... it started as a lazy day, in my PJs for lunch. After losing like 8 straight games of pool, I knew that I needed to spice up the day. So, I threw together SFOOG: Sherf Family Outdoor Olympic Games for the afternoon entertainment. We had team events as well as individual competitions in some lesser known, but professionally played sports. Bo-golf [a combo of Boccie and golf], Biki-ana [Biking + Banana eating], Roof-ball [of course!], breath-holding and cribbage were on the list of events. We took pictures, video and just had a blast together, enjoying the nice weather and each other!

The Roof-ball team competition was especially fierce, but mom and I came out on top!!!

The winners of the Biki-Ana Event - Cody & Dad.

And here's the highlight reel...

And today I realized that I must find a more productive use for my mind and time...

2008-08-28T17:34:00.005-05:00

I saw four letters today that bring me one step closer finally to solving this four-month long case. Four letters. There is a gentleman - I cannot describe him in detail here since he may, in some bizarre way, realize who he is. We'll call him, the reader, for he enters the cafeteria each day with his tray full of today's menu and a book tucked under his arm. He is olderish and he sits alone and we, my mom and I, just wonder where he might come from... We [or rather I] have given ourselves to finding out more about him. Perhaps it's the small bet we have going related to the nature of his work. Mom is convinced he works in IT, but I am not convinced. Whatever it is that intrigues us about the reader, we are intrigued.

Because I have LOTS of extra time around the day, I've been conducting an investigation for the past several months. I've scoured the internet and library resources about our employees, including old and new yearbooks and the employee web directory. I've staked out his table, hoping to catch a glimpse of his security badge. And today, when I least expected it, I saw them... four letters, as I left my table at work. I didn't realize what I was even seeing until I was halfway across the cafeteria. And then I wished beyond anything that I would have seen the smaller letters underneath the four that make up his first name. A first name is something, but a last name... that's identifying! My taskless afternoon filled up quickly for I had a lead to follow. I began making lists of employees with this name - referencing their desk location and position title. I googled, to find ages and possible photos [be aware that if I do this to strangers, I most certainly do it to friends!]. Then, I grabbed my water and a notepad [I've gotta have a good cover!] and began ticking them off as I found them and realized that these men were not the reader. I returned dejected and discouraged to my desk because each of the names on my list had been crossed out in red. It's back to the drawing board. I returned to the employee directory [which you cannot search by first name - dumb!] and began again, determined to find the ones I had missed.

Yes, I have a few more names and locations for tomorrow. And I will find him. I have four letters... it's a start.

Maybe someday I'll tell you about... the old woman.

Dad says I have to get rid of two pairs now.

2008-08-26T22:21:00.002-05:00

$5 at Nice as New...

$8 at ShopKo.

It was a good day.

Summer nights, do not leave!

2008-08-26T20:06:00.007-05:00

In these last two mornings, there has been a chill in the air as my alarm went off. It is likely that the mountains above Innsbruck would be snow-capped after a night like last night. I have not gotten to wear shorts as much as I would have liked to this year. As summer leaves again, I get a little down. There was so much hope of delightful summer days, and it is not that these days did not occur. It is that they did occur and now, they cannot anymore. Or they will not anymore. I believe that is what saddens me -- the farewell to summer days and nights.

Today was an incredibly boring day at work! I spent 6 of the 8 hours trying to look busy. I did learn that to gawk means to stare at something stupidly. I gawked at the amount of time I wasted today at Sentry.

My evening has been spent shopping with Ann and then hanging out at EmyJs with Stephanie and Ann. I'm discovering what it is like to have friends who are my age and live in my town. It is a blessing for sure.

Look forward to pictures of my newest purchases... maybe later tonight.

Chaim says...

2008-08-25T22:00:00.002-05:00

Fatigue is a wall to climb, not an emptiness to wallow in.

I climbed the wall today, but too often lately, I've been wallowing. What about you? Is Chaim right?

Enough Already! [#5]

2008-08-22T22:28:00.002-05:00

This week, I’ve published reasons why I should not write a blog series. They included not having a regular audience, not having anything worthwhile to write a series about, the necessity to commit to writing about a certain topic for a certain period of time, and the potential that it has to get insanely boring. The final reason is that I can’t deal with the pressure to review and tie it together at the end. It’s been building all week to, what’s the last reason?!!, and then… it might end something like this…

Note to self: Don’t write a blog series. It just won’t work.

Fourth Installment

2008-08-21T19:42:00.004-05:00

Probably my favorite reason I choose not to engage in writing extended series on this blog is that it just gets plain boring. I mean, I’ve read certain blogs for a while, but then, when a series comes that I have absolutely no interest in, I get out of the practice of reading them. Can you imagine reading about potty training your child or tips on keeping fruit fresh for a whole week?? Rest assured that I would probably think of publishing a series on proper pedicure procedure or techniques for watching paint dry if given the chance.

Nothing leaves my daily reading selection faster than a series that does not interest me.

Let’s hope that hasn’t happened here!

Reason #3

2008-08-20T00:22:00.003-05:00

I know that you all have been losing sleep as you wonder what my final 3 reasons could be [probably just as much as I have lost trying to compile them]!! Reason number 3 is as follows: I must commit to writing about the same topic until the series is finished and God inspires on His own schedule. Committing to a series means not committing to other things. I like to write when and where the spirit moves me, not on a schedule. This is part of the reason that I never want to write for a living. Instead, I write to live.

Meanwhile…

My Beach Settlement

I used to live on a rock. It stood fast and unmoved. The fortress that I had there was strong so that no enemy could come against it successfully. Its foundation went deep into the Earth so that nothing could shake it. It took many years to build, but I did not do it. I inherited it before the world began.

This rock that I lived on was near a beautiful beach. It had palm trees and views of the ocean that would make any vacation-dreamer salivate. The ocean was bluer than the brightest blue and the sounds of the waves were soothing and calming, almost too calming. For the beach called to me. It said, come and enjoy me. I will give you lush life on my soft sand near the palms. Nothing grows on that rock of yours. I have the ocean at my fingers and the sun is brighter here than in the shadow of your walls.

And so, I determinedly left the rock – its strength and safety – and moved out of my citadel to the beach. It was so beautiful there. I had so much more freedom than the “prison of rock” that I had dwelled in previously. I could walk endlessly on the beaches, feeling the sand between my toes. The shade of the palms was a cool and refreshing break from the sun that shone on the ocean and reflected brightly onto my baked skin. Why didn’t I settle hear first, I thought. Its pleasures far outweigh that grimy old rock!

But then, the storm came. I found that the foundation I had built for myself on the sand was shaky… in fact, it was less than shaky – it was non-existent! The beauty of the beach ran toward ruin. The fierce waters swept away the life that I had built there on the soft sand. I was taken out to sea. In all of my time living on the beach, I had never learned to swim. I clutched a piece of palm that had surfaced from the wreckage in the waves. I spluttered for breath. In the distance, I saw my rock fortress, standing firm through the storm.

Its foundation was deep into the Earth so that nothing could shake it. When the storm quieted, the sun came out again, shining down on that fortress. I wanted so desperately to be back in my old home, thinking of the beautiful gardens within the walls of the stronghold that I had forsaken to the lure of the beach. On my rock, there also lived an old man. He was not much to look at, but he was wise. He had advised me to stay on the rock, but I had the beach on my mind. Its pleasures had outweighed the enduring word of that old man.

My life now hung on a small scrap of wood, waiting for the sun to dehydrate or the sea to swallow. I was full of self-loathing and without hope. Why did I think the beach was better just because of its fading façade? The tide continued to take me further and further from my home. And now, I was losing my hold. The end was near.

The old man from my citadel came to my rescue just then, in a rickety little boat that we kept in the guards’ quarters. He pulled me into the boat and as I collapsed on the floor, I honestly said, “Thank you.” This was, perhaps, the first truthful thank you I had spoken to this dear friend. His smile gave me life and hope, but he said, “Maybe next time, you’ll listen… but probably not. In any event, I’m patient.”

Part 2 of 5: Why I Shouldn't Series Blog

2008-08-19T17:05:00.003-05:00

Somehow, series blogging means that I would have to have something profound to say, at least 3 days in a row and about the same topic! This seems highly unlikely. Therefore, I should refrain from writing in series form.

Here’s what I propose [and Blogger is ahead of me here]: Simply use “topics” on the sidebar!

Because things normally stew on the back burner of my mind, to be revisited at my convenience, or when necessary, I’ll just put a tag on it as I write about it. Then, when you want to read about “culture” or see pictures, you can simply click there and Blogger will let you know what I think. This seems a whole lot easier than me racking my brain, probably unsuccessfully, to package these thoughts all at once.

Good work, Blogger!

Reason #1 in My Series

2008-08-18T19:11:00.003-05:00

Today is the kickoff of my new blog series, entitled: Reasons why I should not write a blog series. I thought that I would try it because I’ve discovered that I either need to have kids to write about or publish a blog series in order to get people coming back. Since I don’t have kids [and wasn’t allowed to borrow any!], I thought I’d give series writing a try.

So, the FIRST reason that I should not publish blog series is that I’m not sure I even have an audience, let alone one that would come back from day to day to get the next installment. I know that commenting doesn’t correlate directly to readership as I read several blogs that I never comment on. But that said, an occasional shout out couldn’t hurt my ego and writing confidence! I suppose that you could give criticism if absolutely necessary as well. Just let me know that you are there and breathing.

Keep coming back for the remaining 4 reasons this week… ;o)

Things I've thought of today

2008-08-15T19:14:00.004-05:00

Sleeping in tomorrow will be absolutely grand... first time in over a month!

I get to spend 24 hours with my bosom college buddy this weekend in Chippewa Falls. And I'm juiced. BIKING!

God is strengthening me inside somehow, to fight against apathy, idleness and complacency. I feel as though I could take on the world. I just may.

I have another job now! My cubicle [read: grave or tomb] is just moving several rows down. New boss, new co-workers, but a lot of the same work... and the same paycheck ;o)

I really enjoy the smell of pregnant women!

I'm discovering the art of looking like I'm doing something important while I slack off. Today, I overheard a good conversation in the hall. I wanted to hear the end, so I followed them for awhile, inconspicuously of course! Just look like you have a destination, even if it is only to check off a new bathroom from the list.

Next week in the cave: A 5-part blog series on reasons why I should not author a blog series.

Penelope, a whimsical delight

2008-08-14T21:53:00.005-05:00

Penelope is born under a curse that gives her a pig snout for a nose. She spends her childhood in hiding until, at age 25, she runs away from home and sees the world [that she's only heard about until then] for the very first time. The most enchanting scene in the whole movie is when she opens her eyes wide and finally walks through the street fair, with the bright lights and street vendors. The cinematography in this scene is perfect, dizzily spinning around her as she drinks in this world that she's only seen in pictures. It is sensory overload, flooding her with new smells, sensations and sights. She cannot get enough as she goes to the zoo, the park and all of the things that we all take for granted.

Sometimes I wonder what holds me back from truly seeing what's real around me, to open my eyes wide and see what God is doing and giving me. What keeps me inside my little tower, unable to experience all that I could? I hide within the barriers of sin, doubt, and guilt... probably all three and a few more. I want to live with open eyes - not able to get enough of what God is doing - sucking up every drop that I can. Oh, let's pray for those kind of eyes, and the courage to open them!

Ok, so I live at home...

2008-08-13T19:59:00.004-05:00

Sometimes I think that's pretty pathetic, but tonight was a sweet treat in my cave of now. Cody and I have invented a game called "Roof-ball." There is a complete set of rules for scoring, faults, fouls and proper etiquette for play. We play to 21 by ones and you have to serve to win. I have yet to win, though I served for the win just tonight. Cody has incredibly long strides so I have to rely on the quick little spin shot in order to make a point. His height also gives him an advantage so I'm literally left with lucky shots and annoying him by talking incessantly. That's hard to do when I am constantly out of breath!

Being able to spend time with Cody is one of the highlights of living at home. He's going to be a freshman next month and he's just growing up too fast for me! I'm not sure how much longer I will be living in the States, but one thing is sure: I desire to invest every second of it that I can in people and things eternal. Putting my head in the sand is just not an option!

2008-08-11T18:59:00.003-05:00

Getting ready for our first hiking adventure on Saturday
We're just hanging out before dinner... Jeremy's a little upset that there isn't any Barq's in the pop machine. My pocket-book is too. I should never bet money.
Lou and I on a Boccie ball break.
Shadow ninjas at sunset
We loved our secludedish campsite!

Short Weekend Escape

2008-08-10T21:54:00.004-05:00

Heaven will indeed be grand... almost exclusively because God will be there, worshiped as He should be, but it will also be splendid to spend eternity with these hearts that are so dear to my soul!

Camping

2008-08-07T18:56:00.003-05:00

So, I just got back from camp long enough to keep my feet clean for 24 hours or so and I'm headed back to the great outdoors to get them dirty again. The events coming up this weekend have kept a permanent smile on my face all week! I get to enjoy life with my three closest friends... and also welcome a 4th to the group [Kelsey, you're great!]. We'll hike, swim, laugh, play boccie ball and live life together for a couple of days. Oh, these sweet hearts that I'm so thankful to have as family! I am grateful to every moment we have together... I know that time together doesn't come often [especially with all of the traveling I've done and continue to do!] so ..... oh yum... i can't wait to see you and find that willow again. How I've dreamt of it while we've been apart! Let's climb...

Next update: Pictures from camping!

Only so many plates...

2008-08-06T20:36:00.005-05:00

There has been a lot of shattering plates crashing down around me lately. I acquire these new plates with every new friend, ministry or adventure I take up. They are friends, people to pray for, encourage, keep up with, tell stories to, etc... I have plates living on 4 different continents, speaking at least 5 different languages. And well, I try to spin them all and keep them going.

But a girl can only spin so many plates at a time before they begin to slip out of control. It's amazing how many "back burners" I can put some of these plates on... Each one is meaningful to me. I don't want to drop any of them, but the shear number of incoming plates simply means that I must put others down. How do I gain the wisdom to know which ones to invest in? and which ones are best spun by someone else? And well, today, I'm incredibly indecisive, so I've picked up and put down nearly every single one! I am not good at spinning!

so hallelujah! God is able to spin each one of us, forever and very well! whew.

A Hard Now

2008-08-05T13:18:00.002-05:00

The “now” of my life overwhelms me most days. It overwhelms me with confusion and questions, feelings of depression and inadequacy. Where am I going in this life? Why can’t I make solid decisions? Why is my faith so small? How can the Devil so easily win? And most of all, why do I still at like a child at age 24? The regression from independent and intentional living in Europe to being fed every meal by my mom in my childhood home is truly the most depressing of it all. This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. Everything seems to be going wrong.

And for awhile, I tried to plow through this on my own, finding small upturns when the heartthrob of accounting walks by or when I have a day off to relax. Sometimes even, I find a good verse to assuage some of the worry and confusion. But every time, he walks away, I have to go back to work, and then I forget the verse. Where am I now? I am worse off and usually more down than before. Why isn’t this life working?

Last night, I began reading Amos. I think I was feeling guilty about never reading the prophets. While I didn’t come to it like a kid in a candy store, I was determined to read slowly and understand as much as I could. Most of it was judgment on the people of God because of their disobedience… losing land, families and ground against evil. The command goes out thrice in chapter 5, seek God and live [v5,6,14]. It pierces me, I have not sought, therefore I do not live. I have kept part or most of my life in my own control. And it’s not working for me. I contemplate a life spent seeking God and I focus first, and almost solely, on the difficult parts – the fighting for my heart, the sacrifice of comfortable things at times, the struggle to be holy. And then the end of Amos comes… and there is hope. Hope in Messiah, hope in Christ. I let Jesus take these fears and confusion. I commit my heart to fighting for truth. I am not wishy-washy anymore.

Keep praying for me. Danke.

Sun, Please Stand Still...

2008-08-04T18:11:00.005-05:00

There are many moments like these ones in life, where I wish the sun would just stand still like it did for Joshua, letting me savor the moments I have in my cave of now.
It was the perfect summer night… friends gathering for food, fun and a love for Peru… I looked around and saw a table full of women, sharing kid stories. The men were out front trying to rip-stick. I caught a glimpse of Derek and Matt S talking shop, Terry and Matt K fighting about baseball. A missions team in the states is hosting a missionary family who live in Lima, Peru. This family is amazingly integrated into Peruvian society and yet, remaining strong and a fire for God. They see with their eyes open – the deep needs that the people of Lima have – far beyond the economic or physical need that an everyday person might notice. The weather cooled as the sun left for the night. Andria was a wonderful host, with a beautiful back yard with lots of seating. Derek is never without joke or wisecrack. Josh & I lose to the impressive skills [and luck!] of Matt and Austin. The kids play so well together, as if tomorrow’s church is meeting early. We have a common love – that is, for Peru and its people. And for us, when we stop twirling around our own tiny worlds and grab hands with one another, beginning to spin around each other, with our eyes toward God, it is a beautiful picture. It’s like time has slowed and the lights around is glow brighter. Our smiles and laughter electrify the night, causing artificial light to be unnecessary. There is True Joy here… people truly living, perhaps now for the first time in a very long while. Our now tanned faces are vibrantly happy. We are in good health, clean and together again, six months following our time in the dusty streets of Lima.

The Panaggios intensify the sultry evening’s excitement. These missionaries have raised well-rounded, missions-minded servants – five of them – while simultaneously doing ministry in the sprawling metro of Lima. These kids amaze me: Their easy-going & ready for anything nature, willingness to serve, and love for one another. Stephen announced that he flew Dr. Galuk’s plane here from Michigan – first time in the pilot’s seat! Jim remembered my name and their interest in our lives is truly admirable. I received hugs from each one of them after doing ministry with them for only one week.

We look back at last year’s clinic and anticipate this year’s … the dates falling in the end of February this time. A flower-shaped discussion of facebook arises as the young ones win over the old for the sake of long-distance friendships. The Brewers, Heath Ledger’s death, American Idol, The Dark Knight and HP 7 wander through our words. Church health in Condevilla and the challenges there also visit our conversations.

Twilight knocks and people begin to fidget with their watches. Our other worlds are calling us back, to make the “efficient and responsible” decision to end this reverie and return to race. I hit the snooze button, but others heed them, collecting their children, food and bags. The rounds of goodbyes begin once, twice and a third time before I make my exit.