Boxers or Briefs: God Has An Opinion!

So I’m just reading through the Old Testament these days, trying to learn from the characters and their situations.  There has been some amazing stuff: Amazing deliverance from God, amazingly little faith from the Israelite people in the midst of deliverance, amazing grace over and over again, and amazing details.  In these details is where I found myself in mid-Exodus the other day.

I’ve never thought of God as a clothing designer, but you hit Exodus 28 and you find out that He is.  And you find out whether He prefers boxers or briefs for his priests! Details, man!

In verses 3-5, God gives the general description of what Moses should have made for Aaron and his sons:

“Tell all the skilled workers to whom I have given wisdom in such matters that they are to make garments for Aaron, for his consecration, so he may serve me as priest. These are the garments they are to make: a breastpiece, an ephod, a robe, a woven tunic, a turban and a sash. They are to make these sacred garments for your brother Aaron and his sons, so they may serve me as priests. Have them use gold, and blue, purple and scarlet yarn, and fine linen.”

Now God had given wisdom “in such matters” (as clothing) to skilled workers.  If I was God (excellent that I’m not!), I would have left it at that and let “the Spirit move” these folks to make something nice. After all, they did have wisdom in such matters.  I’d be thinking, I’ve got 66 books to tell the entire world that I love them, that I want them in relationship with me, that I’m willing (and did) send my only Son to be punished in their place for the wrongs they’ve done, that if they believe and trust in me they will find rest for their souls – the rest they’ve been longing for. Gonna be honest, I wouldn’t waste a whole chapter on priestly garments.  But God didn’t waste the chapter.

The rest of the chapter is a detailed description of the stones and metals to be used, the order of the stones on the breastplate, the way that the ephod should connect to the breastplate, what the tunic should be made of, oh, and don’t forget to put an opening in the middle of the tunic for the head! (v.31). Duh. There is instruction on the turban, the sash, the caps, even the undergarments (read Exodus 28:42-43 to find out if they were boxer-like or brief-like!). In some cases, he explained why he wanted it like he did (as a memorial to the Lord or to remind the priests of the 12 tribes of Israel, etc…), but often he did not give his reasoning. 

Why did God spend so much time in the details? Even as I began to write this, I wasn’t sure.  But think about this: God is infinite.  He is not constrained by tiredness, hunger, time, ability, headaches – like we are.  And one of the big reasons that I overlook or delegate the details is because I JUST CAN’T DO IT ALL.  Ah-ha! That’s it: God can do it all. He can run the universe, move storms to where he wants them, throw large amounts of snow on the upper Midwest, name stars, put rulers in place, take rules out of place, and provide for orphans all while also being incredibly deep in the details.  Put boxers on my boys or they’ll die!  (It really says that - go read Exodus 28:42-43!)

I love this God, don’t you?

Hands Full.

Last night, I came into the darkened garage to find mom's van gone and a mine-field before me. It smelled of dog poo, but I could not see a thing. I shuffled in along the wall and tried to make an educated guess as to where Tasha had NOT been. Step. Whew. The motion-sensor light, however, remained off. My hands were full of my day and I needed to make another step. My eyes began to adjust to the lack of light and I could see shades of dark and light on the floor. I avoided the dark places and made another step of faith. Whew. The light blinked on, illuminating the rest of my trip to the door into the house.

In my mind, something else was happening. I was thinking about life and how I find myself in a darkened garage wondering which direction to move, really not wanting to step in #@%*. Scheiße. How do I make those decisions? How do you?

Perfect Couple.

What an utter joy it was to be at Luke and Kelsey's wedding this weekend! It was a perfect nearly spring day, with bright sunshine and warm temperatures. I got to wear a new, fun dress and $7.00 black heels, but enough about that.

Lukey and Kelsey pledged their love and commitment to one another on Saturday. It simply amazes me to see the power of love, to see them giving their lives for the other. This deep love and care breeds commitment, life-long. It reminds me how much I desire this love someday, but also about how much of a coward I am to enter into it, not to mention my unpreparedness! In any event, it is so wonderful to see... refreshing.

I've known Luke since the awkward "bowl-cut" days. He is one of my best friends. I've just met Kelsey this year, but it feels like she grew up with us too! She makes Luke so happy. It was delightful to see him beam as she came down the aisle. She was a beautiful bride.

A few of the highlights: Steve and Jeremy singing "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz at the ceremony. Sitting with the Perris and Handlers for dinner. Dancing my legs off. Seeing the men of Woodlands following Jeremy's dance instructions. Hugging the newlyweds goodbye and wishing them FUN in Breckenridge. Transfering wedding gifts for the 2nd of us in the Quad to get married. Drifiting off to sleep with a little grin on my face for the perfect couple.

It was all just priceless.

Infuse, the End of an Era

I stepped into the chapel after most had left and turned on all the lights. As I stood in the back, I recounted all that God had infused into me at this camp. I was trained in life and ministry here, more than in any classroom. It is so home to me.

[click] I turn one light out. I think about how terrified I was at the prospect of cabin-leadering as a junior in high school. What if my campers don't like me? or listen to me? What? - I have to plan a devotion? now, 6? God took over and I learned.

[click.] There was a strange feeling in me as I left my first week of being activities director. Could God have more for me here? Somehow, the answer came YES, but it was very subtle and quiet.

[click.] Two summers of programming taught me more about myself, about what my body can do and about what happens when my body shuts down from exhaustion. I learned even more as I gave up control to the Master of the Universe. I learned to nap on a musty chapel pew surrounded by rowdy campers, manage many staff members and lead large group games. As I play the snapshots in my mind, I see campers loving one another, meeting Christ, and struggling through life together. I see lots of smiles and laughs.

[click.] It is nearly dark now. I moved to Austria, left with a hole the size of Riverside in my heart. I ached for a place to use these gifts that I had developed and been so affirmed in. It's super hard to lead in a different language. :o) I wipe the tears from my face as I think about the hours I spent on the bridge over the river during my re-entry into the States. Those were sweet times in the arms of Jesus, weeping for the hole in my heart now shaped like Austria. I was soothed again by the gentle rushing water flowing between the large rocks.

[click.] One last programming gig before the full time program director takes her post. I have spent so much energy for this camp... wanting so much that Christ would be seen and magnified in it. I was infused with God's love and grace this weekend. My weakness only made His strength more evident.

I turn, back again and I wave sliding slowly backwards as the last click clicks off...

The end of an era, and it's so hard to say goodbye.

A Reverie

Forests draped in snow remind me of an enchanted forest… One where it is never too dark to explore. It is full of Christmas trees and new places not on any map. It is on a hill, this forest, a foot hill, of the mighty Bettelwurf – a giant just east of Innsbruck . There are deer tracks marking the primitive path up toward the clearing over the ridge. The snow is often knee deep up there even if it is dry in town. My guide knows all of the ways and doesn’t get lost – at least most of the time. But being lost in this magical forest is really a blessing. This forest is enchanted.

The spell that this forest casts is to forget. There is no time in this forest. No deadlines, financial worries, responsibilities, stress or troublesome thoughts cloud the air here. They are not allowed in this forest. These are driven out be the peace that comes from the Creator of this special sanctuary. There is another forest, just off of Rosnerweg, but the effect is much less calming. There are people in that forest, but in this forest, our forest, it is me, my guide and calm. It is very easy to forget here.

The crisp air in this forest greets my nostrils and wakes up my lungs. The invitation to this place is always anticipated by my soul if not by my weary body. It is an invitation to forget my age and fly down the root-laden path on a bicycle or sing a song at the top of my lungs to the birds. Come to forget, this forest says, not forever, just while I have you. This place is not an ultimate escape from life’s issues, but a temporary forgetting so that I might actually remember who I really am for the Creator of all this created me as well.

There is a saying printed on the cross at the top of the Thaur Zunterkopf that states: There are many ways to God, and one of them is over the mountains. There is one way to God, that is through faith in Jesus… but there may be many ways that God uses to stir my soul to believe this Truth… I may not find God in an empty dank church, riddled with religious artifacts. I may find Him in my enchanted forest calling me to retreat.

oh medical release forms.

This weekend we found our way to Fridley, MN for the 2nd quiz trip of the year. It was my first trip fully in charge, toting the medical release forms for my 9 quizzers. As I packed my bag for the trip, I thought to myself, I'd really like to bring this delicious book [My Name is Asher Lev], but will I really ever have time to read it? I remembered this book, sitting on my bed, as I sat in the emergency room clutching a medical form that I didn't ever want to need.

The quiz morning started out normal enough - except that we were early to the quiz for the first time in history. I registered and found my other Wisconsin coach friends and quiz masters. The morning was full of grueling quizzing. These MN teams are just good! And then, just after lunch, the trajectory of my trip altered drastically as Scott said that Josh had been injured. My focus was no longer on quizzing or the after-party, but on Josh.

I found him in a heap at the bottom of the staircase with Ryan, Danny and Scott hovering about him. His right arm was bent in the wrong places and swelling up fast. Thankfully, Judy and Gary arrived moments later and had more sanity to direct the situation. Plans were made to get Josh to help and keep an eye on the eight others that were roaming around.

Check in. Triage. What's your date of birth? Where are you hurt [duh!]? Please wait. Gee, can we get this guy something for the pain? Are you his mother? [holy cow, do i look that old?!] He'll see the doctor now? What happened? Where are you hurt [double duh!]? I'll be right back. jokes lighten the mood. What am I going to do? Wait. Drugs. Call to cancel. Call to reinstate. Call to update. Wait.

Why didn't I bring Asher to get my mind off of this? Wait. I'm so glad you are here Judy. X-rays. Timetable? Wait. You are doing great Josh. more paperwork. Sign here. Do you consent? Quizzing? Oh yeah, we came to quiz. Wait. Wait alone now.

Where is Asher? Who can I call? Wait. Josh is awake again, after reduction. Joy. Surgery may come, but the pain is lessened. We'll get your prescription. Wait, but not alone. Listen. Take notes on care. Elevate. Ice. Get the swelling down. Move your sausage-y fingers. Got the prescription. Good. Gone.

We reunited with the team and got on our way much later than expected. Thankfully, God kept us safe and awake through the drive. I am amazed at how much God gives... even when I forget to ask. We are home safe and Josh is with his family. Oh, I am thankful. so thankful. I am thankful that God is in control and gives strength for all things. I'm thankful for Judy, Gary and the Heitzmans. I'm thankful to be able to type and write and have the capacity to play a trumpet [though not the skill]. I'm thankful for doctors and mothers. I am especially thankful for morphine [not for me!]. Some bright spots: I am one of very few who now knows Josh's middle name and who has seen inside his stomach [via ultrasound]. Yes, we have bonded over a broken arm.

Be well Josh.

perspective.

I've been noticing something these last several commutes to and from work. As I drive in, the sun is fresh & the light is new. It is at my back. The colors seem muted & almost groggy as the sun climbs. The fields are quiet... somehow. And, well, when I'm coming back, the sun is tired & wasted. It is at my back. It's as if it has worked all day making things beautiful & full of life. The trees lining the Custer fields are worn and drooping, but in the most elegant way, as if calling young dreamers to come and sit.

And then, I think: how much of this interpretation of the day & sun is clouded - nay, affected by my own perspective and feeling of groggy-worn-out-ness? It is so "in the moment." The truth is that the sun is always beaming brightly somewhere... & the trees and fields, well, the could be somewhat tired because of the sun, but couldn't it also be me projecting my own weariness? At best, it is my interpretation from inside of the timezones instead of on the sun's surface. And how often do I tell God which shot to make when I'm stuck near the side behind the 2-ball, projecting my own predicament onto the rest of the table?

Yes, these thoughts come to me as I drive. Mostly though, I am floored at the beauty & color of God's creation... the yellowing fields, reddening trees & bizarrely this year, greening grass! I saw Custer-hill alive with color against the soft blue sky and purpling clouds & my word, I must sing at this!!! & not some sappy hip-gyrating love song, but something bigger and just as alive, with feeling & praise to the One who did it all.

Reason #3

I know that you all have been losing sleep as you wonder what my final 3 reasons could be [probably just as much as I have lost trying to compile them]!! Reason number 3 is as follows: I must commit to writing about the same topic until the series is finished and God inspires on His own schedule. Committing to a series means not committing to other things. I like to write when and where the spirit moves me, not on a schedule. This is part of the reason that I never want to write for a living. Instead, I write to live.

Meanwhile…

My Beach Settlement

I used to live on a rock. It stood fast and unmoved. The fortress that I had there was strong so that no enemy could come against it successfully. Its foundation went deep into the Earth so that nothing could shake it. It took many years to build, but I did not do it. I inherited it before the world began.

This rock that I lived on was near a beautiful beach. It had palm trees and views of the ocean that would make any vacation-dreamer salivate. The ocean was bluer than the brightest blue and the sounds of the waves were soothing and calming, almost too calming. For the beach called to me. It said, come and enjoy me. I will give you lush life on my soft sand near the palms. Nothing grows on that rock of yours. I have the ocean at my fingers and the sun is brighter here than in the shadow of your walls.

And so, I determinedly left the rock – its strength and safety – and moved out of my citadel to the beach. It was so beautiful there. I had so much more freedom than the “prison of rock” that I had dwelled in previously. I could walk endlessly on the beaches, feeling the sand between my toes. The shade of the palms was a cool and refreshing break from the sun that shone on the ocean and reflected brightly onto my baked skin. Why didn’t I settle hear first, I thought. Its pleasures far outweigh that grimy old rock!

But then, the storm came. I found that the foundation I had built for myself on the sand was shaky… in fact, it was less than shaky – it was non-existent! The beauty of the beach ran toward ruin. The fierce waters swept away the life that I had built there on the soft sand. I was taken out to sea. In all of my time living on the beach, I had never learned to swim. I clutched a piece of palm that had surfaced from the wreckage in the waves. I spluttered for breath. In the distance, I saw my rock fortress, standing firm through the storm.

Its foundation was deep into the Earth so that nothing could shake it. When the storm quieted, the sun came out again, shining down on that fortress. I wanted so desperately to be back in my old home, thinking of the beautiful gardens within the walls of the stronghold that I had forsaken to the lure of the beach. On my rock, there also lived an old man. He was not much to look at, but he was wise. He had advised me to stay on the rock, but I had the beach on my mind. Its pleasures had outweighed the enduring word of that old man.

My life now hung on a small scrap of wood, waiting for the sun to dehydrate or the sea to swallow. I was full of self-loathing and without hope. Why did I think the beach was better just because of its fading façade? The tide continued to take me further and further from my home. And now, I was losing my hold. The end was near.

The old man from my citadel came to my rescue just then, in a rickety little boat that we kept in the guards’ quarters. He pulled me into the boat and as I collapsed on the floor, I honestly said, “Thank you.” This was, perhaps, the first truthful thank you I had spoken to this dear friend. His smile gave me life and hope, but he said, “Maybe next time, you’ll listen… but probably not. In any event, I’m patient.”

Only so many plates...

There has been a lot of shattering plates crashing down around me lately. I acquire these new plates with every new friend, ministry or adventure I take up. They are friends, people to pray for, encourage, keep up with, tell stories to, etc... I have plates living on 4 different continents, speaking at least 5 different languages. And well, I try to spin them all and keep them going.

But a girl can only spin so many plates at a time before they begin to slip out of control. It's amazing how many "back burners" I can put some of these plates on... Each one is meaningful to me. I don't want to drop any of them, but the shear number of incoming plates simply means that I must put others down. How do I gain the wisdom to know which ones to invest in? and which ones are best spun by someone else? And well, today, I'm incredibly indecisive, so I've picked up and put down nearly every single one! I am not good at spinning!

so hallelujah! God is able to spin each one of us, forever and very well! whew.

A Hard Now

The “now” of my life overwhelms me most days. It overwhelms me with confusion and questions, feelings of depression and inadequacy. Where am I going in this life? Why can’t I make solid decisions? Why is my faith so small? How can the Devil so easily win? And most of all, why do I still at like a child at age 24? The regression from independent and intentional living in Europe to being fed every meal by my mom in my childhood home is truly the most depressing of it all. This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. Everything seems to be going wrong.

And for awhile, I tried to plow through this on my own, finding small upturns when the heartthrob of accounting walks by or when I have a day off to relax. Sometimes even, I find a good verse to assuage some of the worry and confusion. But every time, he walks away, I have to go back to work, and then I forget the verse. Where am I now? I am worse off and usually more down than before. Why isn’t this life working?

Last night, I began reading Amos. I think I was feeling guilty about never reading the prophets. While I didn’t come to it like a kid in a candy store, I was determined to read slowly and understand as much as I could. Most of it was judgment on the people of God because of their disobedience… losing land, families and ground against evil. The command goes out thrice in chapter 5, seek God and live [v5,6,14]. It pierces me, I have not sought, therefore I do not live. I have kept part or most of my life in my own control. And it’s not working for me. I contemplate a life spent seeking God and I focus first, and almost solely, on the difficult parts – the fighting for my heart, the sacrifice of comfortable things at times, the struggle to be holy. And then the end of Amos comes… and there is hope. Hope in Messiah, hope in Christ. I let Jesus take these fears and confusion. I commit my heart to fighting for truth. I am not wishy-washy anymore.

Keep praying for me. Danke.

Sun, Please Stand Still...

There are many moments like these ones in life, where I wish the sun would just stand still like it did for Joshua, letting me savor the moments I have in my cave of now.

It was the perfect summer night… friends gathering for food, fun and a love for Peru… I looked around and saw a table full of women, sharing kid stories. The men were out front trying to rip-stick. I caught a glimpse of Derek and Matt S talking shop, Terry and Matt K fighting about baseball. A missions team in the states is hosting a missionary family who live in Lima, Peru. This family is amazingly integrated into Peruvian society and yet, remaining strong and a fire for God. They see with their eyes open – the deep needs that the people of Lima have – far beyond the economic or physical need that an everyday person might notice. The weather cooled as the sun left for the night. Andria was a wonderful host, with a beautiful back yard with lots of seating. Derek is never without joke or wisecrack. Josh & I lose to the impressive skills [and luck!] of Matt and Austin. The kids play so well together, as if tomorrow’s church is meeting early. We have a common love – that is, for Peru and its people. And for us, when we stop twirling around our own tiny worlds and grab hands with one another, beginning to spin around each other, with our eyes toward God, it is a beautiful picture. It’s like time has slowed and the lights around is glow brighter. Our smiles and laughter electrify the night, causing artificial light to be unnecessary. There is True Joy here… people truly living, perhaps now for the first time in a very long while. Our now tanned faces are vibrantly happy. We are in good health, clean and together again, six months following our time in the dusty streets of Lima.

The Panaggios intensify the sultry evening’s excitement. These missionaries have raised well-rounded, missions-minded servants – five of them – while simultaneously doing ministry in the sprawling metro of Lima. These kids amaze me: Their easy-going & ready for anything nature, willingness to serve, and love for one another. Stephen announced that he flew Dr. Galuk’s plane here from Michigan – first time in the pilot’s seat! Jim remembered my name and their interest in our lives is truly admirable. I received hugs from each one of them after doing ministry with them for only one week.

We look back at last year’s clinic and anticipate this year’s … the dates falling in the end of February this time. A flower-shaped discussion of facebook arises as the young ones win over the old for the sake of long-distance friendships. The Brewers, Heath Ledger’s death, American Idol, The Dark Knight and HP 7 wander through our words. Church health in Condevilla and the challenges there also visit our conversations.

Twilight knocks and people begin to fidget with their watches. Our other worlds are calling us back, to make the “efficient and responsible” decision to end this reverie and return to race. I hit the snooze button, but others heed them, collecting their children, food and bags. The rounds of goodbyes begin once, twice and a third time before I make my exit.