He's got this, all this, all the time

One of the not so wonderful souvenirs that I returned to the States from Austria with was a torn ACL in my left knee. I was spending some quality time on a trampoline in the Alps near Salzburg, Austria and well... I guess they say you should always watch the landing.  I knew something was wrong with my knee almost immediately, but I wasn't sure if it was permanent or just something that I needed to "walk off." So, I wandered around Innsbruck for another 4 days before heading up to Munich for some more wandering.  Then, I got on a plane with all of my luggage and lived in the States for a week before I decided I had better just get that checked out to be sure.
 

With my mom recently having both knees replaced, my family has an orthopedic guy sort of on call.  The news of a complete tear hit hard, mostly because I knew that I would have to get it fixed and the uncertainty of that was pretty overwhelming.  Then came grief... over the fact that, even with surgery, my knee would never probably be 100% again. There was some "I'm getting old" talk in there and finally, I came to accept this as a new adventure - one called ACL surgery and recovery.  I guess that every exit is an entrance somewhere else, right?  I'm really trying to see opportunity in this, instead of another several weeks off of work, followed by some pretty intense physical therapy.
 

At this point, I can walk pretty easily with my knee.  It's in the plan to bike after I hit "post" here. Stairs are not super fun, basically because my left knee just feels really unstable when I put any sort of weight on it or try to balance on it. I do some range of motion exercises daily just to keep things loose and my other ligaments from getting tight or weak.  Probably the most painful thing that has happened to me was the instinctive reaction to stepping in gum with my left foot... twisting and grinding it into the pavement (twisting that mainly comes from the knee!) to get the gum off. Yowsers!  Did that smart, or what?!

Surgery is scheduled for June 28th. It won't take long - maybe 1.5 hours - and then the fun begins. Things on my downtime list: Reading, writing, helping at Riverside however I can, crafting, playing Scrabble with my mom, moving from one apartment to another (i know, right?), hopefully writing some more. 
 

I didn't want to spend my summer in a brace, being driven to and from rehab appointments.  I didn't want to meet my insurance deductible this year. I didn't want to give up things like slacklining, roofball, ultimate frisbee, or biking this summer. I didn't want to lose my God-given ACL to one He gave someone else.  BUT. I'm grateful for family and friends who are going to pitch in and help.  I'm thankful that I had health insurance so that I'm not footing the whole bill. I'm fortunate to be able explore other interests while I'm recouping toward those activities again. And I'm really glad that God has given wisdom to doctors and others to be able to reconstruct my knee.  He is good and He's got this, all this, all the time.

The Changing of the Guards

I bought my very first car this week, I mean like, paid for my very first car.  Dads are great people!  Anyway, as fun it is to get a new set of wheels (and it is quite exciting!), there is something difficult for me about selling the old one.

I drove my old blue Taurus into the car wash to soap her down one last time (hopefully) before some new owner takes her away.  I thought about all of the memories that happened in and around that car... Three years at college, carting friends around town.  Road trips.  Camping trips.  Great stories.  Hilarious jokes.  She's brought me to and from work many times.  Taken me to camp.  Got a few of my tears in her seats (Don't tell the new owner!). She was lent out to friends and family during my time in Europe.  I've eaten a lot of meals inside.  The cup holder knows my Dr. Pepper can well.  Inspiring sermons. Housed my closet one summer.

Goodness, I'm just so thankful for her!  We've held hands and went through life together for 6 years!

Holding hands with my dear old friend

 And by now, you all are thinking ... Jaime, it's a CAR! Geez!  But part of my life is trapped in that car.  It will be forever.  Those were good times.

I'm still getting to know my new car.  The way it shifts, takes curves, and the cruise.  I know I'm going to love her someday too.  I'm excited at all of the new adventures we'll have, but right now, she's like the new college roommate who you don't know and you can't figure out why your old one had to transfer upstate!  I know we'll be best friends by November though... after I've spilled ketchup on the leather seats a couple times ...

Making the introductions

Here's to more good times...

Resolution vs. Goal

I've determined that it is much more benefitial to think in terms of goal instead of resolution. With a resolution, such as not eating chips in 2010, it ends with the first chip. It's not a progressive work, it's a sudden "new you." Instead of thinking about how you want to be different in 2010, I challenge you to think about how you want to be different by 2011! That's a goal. I want to be the best... husband/employee/basketball player that I can be. I want to read this book. I want to work on this friendship. You get the idea... Don't resolve to be better, because you might just fail and give up on January 11.

Make it a goal and work towards it. And honestly, even if you don't make it by the end of 2010, at least you'll be closer to it! Setting goals lets you start where you are, instead of hoping to be where you are not!

What are your goals for 2010?

Last Days

The hard thing about being adventurous is that you have to leave a lot and say goodbye. I do not "do goodbyes" well. Today was my last day of work before camp happens and graduate school starts. Yes, I was accepted to the University of Edinburgh for the fall. I'm excited to get back to school... and to explore Scotland!

With all this new adventure, it means saying goodbye to friends, co-workers, and family. And evidently, I'm rather nostalgic. I like to remember all of the experiences I have in a place... to walk the halls one last time... to drink one last cup of good tea... to remember each picture up at my desk... heck, I brought home 10,000 used staples from me desk because I could not say goodbye to them all in one day.

Leaving is such a surreal experience. Sometimes I think it is easier to stay. The same routine. That's nice. But staying means saying no to an incredible adventure!!! I can't believe that God would send me on yet another overseas journey. I am so thankful for His provision. It will build such faith to step out like this again. I guess that's the whole reason I do it.

But first, camp!

mission.

I created a "wordle" to display my personal mission statement that encompasses things that are most important to me.
What do you think?

His First Day in Heaven

The sky is so blue in this arctic freezer. My clothes make no effort to stop the frigidness from stabbing my body ruthlessly and forever. It makes me feel alive, though painfully. The heat in my car, though new, only makes it feel like a drafty hunting shack. Even the sun looks like it has a layer of ice surrounding it.

The first time I've ever read Jack refer to his father as "dad." Dad has moved on to a place where he can see Jesus face to face. My mind cannot fathom what it is like to lose your best friend of so many years. I did not get to meet Guil, although I feel like I know him - the parts of him that Jack has inherited and become.

There is sadness, knowing that you won't be able to talk about the latest race or revel in the newest soaring stock. He won't be participating in any more coffee clutches. There are so many memories to wade through. The small things, you'll miss. There is stress and exhaustion, thinking about all that must go into grieving and planning for life after dad. eventually. How will mother cope? How will you? But woven through each of these layers is vibrant joy, like sunshine -- Dad did not waste his life! He spent it on the One... And there is more joy, for he is with Him now! He can see Jesus face to face.

It is odd today. Odd for us, but even more odd for him... His first day in Heaven. ... I think I have the wrong size wings. ... When's lunch? ... Whoa, look at all those stars down there! He can see, think and move more clearly than he ever has before. He is not hindered by sin. What joy there is in this day!! He is fully alive, though for us, it is painful.