Perfect Couple.

What an utter joy it was to be at Luke and Kelsey's wedding this weekend! It was a perfect nearly spring day, with bright sunshine and warm temperatures. I got to wear a new, fun dress and $7.00 black heels, but enough about that.

Lukey and Kelsey pledged their love and commitment to one another on Saturday. It simply amazes me to see the power of love, to see them giving their lives for the other. This deep love and care breeds commitment, life-long. It reminds me how much I desire this love someday, but also about how much of a coward I am to enter into it, not to mention my unpreparedness! In any event, it is so wonderful to see... refreshing.

I've known Luke since the awkward "bowl-cut" days. He is one of my best friends. I've just met Kelsey this year, but it feels like she grew up with us too! She makes Luke so happy. It was delightful to see him beam as she came down the aisle. She was a beautiful bride.

A few of the highlights: Steve and Jeremy singing "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz at the ceremony. Sitting with the Perris and Handlers for dinner. Dancing my legs off. Seeing the men of Woodlands following Jeremy's dance instructions. Hugging the newlyweds goodbye and wishing them FUN in Breckenridge. Transfering wedding gifts for the 2nd of us in the Quad to get married. Drifiting off to sleep with a little grin on my face for the perfect couple.

It was all just priceless.

Asher.

If you've talked to me in these last years about literature, you will have surely heard me tell you about Asher Lev, the inspiring creation of Chaim Potok. He is an observant Hasidic Jew who is also an artist. I am halfway through The Gift of Asher Lev for the 2nd time in 8 months. The idea for "The Cave of Now" comes from this book. This book is worth every second of your life that you put into it.

The section I am in now is when Asher is asked to address a yeshiva class about art. He starts with simple questions about why we draw, what we draw, etc... but eventually gets to the deeper events of art. He says, "Art happens when what is seen becomes mixed with the inside of a person who is seeing it." [p.135] It is interpretation of the world around us. He drew a picture of a ram in several different styles, emphasizing different parts of the ram that the artist might see and interpret. It is amazing to think that we each have this power to interpret. I may not be an artist who paints or sings, but I write. What I write is a reflection of how the world around me hits me.

A few pages later, Asher connects this to the idea of the cave of now. A drawing. A painting. Capture something forever. Can see it all at one time. No future, no past. Only a perpetual this-moment, only nowness. While a painting or a piece of music or a passage of writing is a rendering of the artist's "now," it can also be interpreted in the future. Those of us in present time can only attempt to know the intention of the author, singer or painter from 100 years ago, let alone 2,000! And yet, God gave me a Helper to enlighten my mind toward correct interpretation of His Word.

Oh, I am loving Asher for how he helps me think about life. Chaim does not give me all of the answers, but invites me to get dirt under my nails and I dig through it all. It's good.

His First Day in Heaven

The sky is so blue in this arctic freezer. My clothes make no effort to stop the frigidness from stabbing my body ruthlessly and forever. It makes me feel alive, though painfully. The heat in my car, though new, only makes it feel like a drafty hunting shack. Even the sun looks like it has a layer of ice surrounding it.

The first time I've ever read Jack refer to his father as "dad." Dad has moved on to a place where he can see Jesus face to face. My mind cannot fathom what it is like to lose your best friend of so many years. I did not get to meet Guil, although I feel like I know him - the parts of him that Jack has inherited and become.

There is sadness, knowing that you won't be able to talk about the latest race or revel in the newest soaring stock. He won't be participating in any more coffee clutches. There are so many memories to wade through. The small things, you'll miss. There is stress and exhaustion, thinking about all that must go into grieving and planning for life after dad. eventually. How will mother cope? How will you? But woven through each of these layers is vibrant joy, like sunshine -- Dad did not waste his life! He spent it on the One... And there is more joy, for he is with Him now! He can see Jesus face to face.

It is odd today. Odd for us, but even more odd for him... His first day in Heaven. ... I think I have the wrong size wings. ... When's lunch? ... Whoa, look at all those stars down there! He can see, think and move more clearly than he ever has before. He is not hindered by sin. What joy there is in this day!! He is fully alive, though for us, it is painful.

Infuse, the End of an Era

I stepped into the chapel after most had left and turned on all the lights. As I stood in the back, I recounted all that God had infused into me at this camp. I was trained in life and ministry here, more than in any classroom. It is so home to me.

[click] I turn one light out. I think about how terrified I was at the prospect of cabin-leadering as a junior in high school. What if my campers don't like me? or listen to me? What? - I have to plan a devotion? now, 6? God took over and I learned.

[click.] There was a strange feeling in me as I left my first week of being activities director. Could God have more for me here? Somehow, the answer came YES, but it was very subtle and quiet.

[click.] Two summers of programming taught me more about myself, about what my body can do and about what happens when my body shuts down from exhaustion. I learned even more as I gave up control to the Master of the Universe. I learned to nap on a musty chapel pew surrounded by rowdy campers, manage many staff members and lead large group games. As I play the snapshots in my mind, I see campers loving one another, meeting Christ, and struggling through life together. I see lots of smiles and laughs.

[click.] It is nearly dark now. I moved to Austria, left with a hole the size of Riverside in my heart. I ached for a place to use these gifts that I had developed and been so affirmed in. It's super hard to lead in a different language. :o) I wipe the tears from my face as I think about the hours I spent on the bridge over the river during my re-entry into the States. Those were sweet times in the arms of Jesus, weeping for the hole in my heart now shaped like Austria. I was soothed again by the gentle rushing water flowing between the large rocks.

[click.] One last programming gig before the full time program director takes her post. I have spent so much energy for this camp... wanting so much that Christ would be seen and magnified in it. I was infused with God's love and grace this weekend. My weakness only made His strength more evident.

I turn, back again and I wave sliding slowly backwards as the last click clicks off...

The end of an era, and it's so hard to say goodbye.

A Reverie

Forests draped in snow remind me of an enchanted forest… One where it is never too dark to explore. It is full of Christmas trees and new places not on any map. It is on a hill, this forest, a foot hill, of the mighty Bettelwurf – a giant just east of Innsbruck . There are deer tracks marking the primitive path up toward the clearing over the ridge. The snow is often knee deep up there even if it is dry in town. My guide knows all of the ways and doesn’t get lost – at least most of the time. But being lost in this magical forest is really a blessing. This forest is enchanted.

The spell that this forest casts is to forget. There is no time in this forest. No deadlines, financial worries, responsibilities, stress or troublesome thoughts cloud the air here. They are not allowed in this forest. These are driven out be the peace that comes from the Creator of this special sanctuary. There is another forest, just off of Rosnerweg, but the effect is much less calming. There are people in that forest, but in this forest, our forest, it is me, my guide and calm. It is very easy to forget here.

The crisp air in this forest greets my nostrils and wakes up my lungs. The invitation to this place is always anticipated by my soul if not by my weary body. It is an invitation to forget my age and fly down the root-laden path on a bicycle or sing a song at the top of my lungs to the birds. Come to forget, this forest says, not forever, just while I have you. This place is not an ultimate escape from life’s issues, but a temporary forgetting so that I might actually remember who I really am for the Creator of all this created me as well.

There is a saying printed on the cross at the top of the Thaur Zunterkopf that states: There are many ways to God, and one of them is over the mountains. There is one way to God, that is through faith in Jesus… but there may be many ways that God uses to stir my soul to believe this Truth… I may not find God in an empty dank church, riddled with religious artifacts. I may find Him in my enchanted forest calling me to retreat.

oh medical release forms.

This weekend we found our way to Fridley, MN for the 2nd quiz trip of the year. It was my first trip fully in charge, toting the medical release forms for my 9 quizzers. As I packed my bag for the trip, I thought to myself, I'd really like to bring this delicious book [My Name is Asher Lev], but will I really ever have time to read it? I remembered this book, sitting on my bed, as I sat in the emergency room clutching a medical form that I didn't ever want to need.

The quiz morning started out normal enough - except that we were early to the quiz for the first time in history. I registered and found my other Wisconsin coach friends and quiz masters. The morning was full of grueling quizzing. These MN teams are just good! And then, just after lunch, the trajectory of my trip altered drastically as Scott said that Josh had been injured. My focus was no longer on quizzing or the after-party, but on Josh.

I found him in a heap at the bottom of the staircase with Ryan, Danny and Scott hovering about him. His right arm was bent in the wrong places and swelling up fast. Thankfully, Judy and Gary arrived moments later and had more sanity to direct the situation. Plans were made to get Josh to help and keep an eye on the eight others that were roaming around.

Check in. Triage. What's your date of birth? Where are you hurt [duh!]? Please wait. Gee, can we get this guy something for the pain? Are you his mother? [holy cow, do i look that old?!] He'll see the doctor now? What happened? Where are you hurt [double duh!]? I'll be right back. jokes lighten the mood. What am I going to do? Wait. Drugs. Call to cancel. Call to reinstate. Call to update. Wait.

Why didn't I bring Asher to get my mind off of this? Wait. I'm so glad you are here Judy. X-rays. Timetable? Wait. You are doing great Josh. more paperwork. Sign here. Do you consent? Quizzing? Oh yeah, we came to quiz. Wait. Wait alone now.

Where is Asher? Who can I call? Wait. Josh is awake again, after reduction. Joy. Surgery may come, but the pain is lessened. We'll get your prescription. Wait, but not alone. Listen. Take notes on care. Elevate. Ice. Get the swelling down. Move your sausage-y fingers. Got the prescription. Good. Gone.

We reunited with the team and got on our way much later than expected. Thankfully, God kept us safe and awake through the drive. I am amazed at how much God gives... even when I forget to ask. We are home safe and Josh is with his family. Oh, I am thankful. so thankful. I am thankful that God is in control and gives strength for all things. I'm thankful for Judy, Gary and the Heitzmans. I'm thankful to be able to type and write and have the capacity to play a trumpet [though not the skill]. I'm thankful for doctors and mothers. I am especially thankful for morphine [not for me!]. Some bright spots: I am one of very few who now knows Josh's middle name and who has seen inside his stomach [via ultrasound]. Yes, we have bonded over a broken arm.

Be well Josh.

Birthdays Birthdays

There have been lots of great memories of this day and celebrations of this day – the day God brought me into this world. And as each one comes and goes and I reflect on them, I become more and more thankful for God’s good provision for me… of family and friends from so many cultures and stages of life. I am truly thankful for all of you.

Some birthday memories:

1991 – The overnight blizzard on Halloween and none of my sleepover guests had boots. I have clear images still in my mind of my daddy carrying my tennis-shoed friends to our station wagon to bring them home after the party.

1993 – What? I’m getting a brother? Yes, I got a really cool bday present exactly TWO weeks after my day.

1994 – My daddy took me to Chicago [we flew from Bemidji , MN ] for a long weekend.

1999 – Sweet 16 – first boy-girl party. Sixteen Candles was my favorite song for weeks.

2003 – First birthday away from home. My cousin KayLynn brought me a huge cake and balloons at NWC and my parents sent me flowers.

2004 – I heard my name over the loud speaker at Sentry Insurance to call security [dream fulfilled] and they wished me a happy birthday. The next day, I forgot my security badge and when I called them to let me in, they were convinced I had forgotten it because I was out carousing on my 21^st birthday.

2006 – My au-pair family threw me a fancy 4-course dinner party. It was my first birthday party where one of the only things I understood was when they sang me Happy Birthday in English. The cards and emails I received from the States were completely overwhelming!

2007 – I organized a photo scavenger hunt in the old city section of Innsbruck for my Austrian friends. The memories made there were so sweet! On the night of my birthday, I attended my first Austrian Ball. I thought I was dreaming.

2008 – Well, I had an “un-birthday” celebration at Riverside this summer when Maria took my joke about July 23 being my birthday seriously. We had “un-birthday cookies” and they sang me “Happy un-birthday.”

On my real birthday this year, I just turned a ¼ century. That’s kind of monumental. Mama bought me a gigantic warm cookie and milk to dunk it in for lunch [dessert.] And the State of WI and the city of Stevens Point decided to unveil one of the most critical exit ramps in the city along I-39 just for the special day. I do feel appreciated.