A Reverie

Forests draped in snow remind me of an enchanted forest… One where it is never too dark to explore. It is full of Christmas trees and new places not on any map. It is on a hill, this forest, a foot hill, of the mighty Bettelwurf – a giant just east of Innsbruck . There are deer tracks marking the primitive path up toward the clearing over the ridge. The snow is often knee deep up there even if it is dry in town. My guide knows all of the ways and doesn’t get lost – at least most of the time. But being lost in this magical forest is really a blessing. This forest is enchanted.

The spell that this forest casts is to forget. There is no time in this forest. No deadlines, financial worries, responsibilities, stress or troublesome thoughts cloud the air here. They are not allowed in this forest. These are driven out be the peace that comes from the Creator of this special sanctuary. There is another forest, just off of Rosnerweg, but the effect is much less calming. There are people in that forest, but in this forest, our forest, it is me, my guide and calm. It is very easy to forget here.

The crisp air in this forest greets my nostrils and wakes up my lungs. The invitation to this place is always anticipated by my soul if not by my weary body. It is an invitation to forget my age and fly down the root-laden path on a bicycle or sing a song at the top of my lungs to the birds. Come to forget, this forest says, not forever, just while I have you. This place is not an ultimate escape from life’s issues, but a temporary forgetting so that I might actually remember who I really am for the Creator of all this created me as well.

There is a saying printed on the cross at the top of the Thaur Zunterkopf that states: There are many ways to God, and one of them is over the mountains. There is one way to God, that is through faith in Jesus… but there may be many ways that God uses to stir my soul to believe this Truth… I may not find God in an empty dank church, riddled with religious artifacts. I may find Him in my enchanted forest calling me to retreat.

oh medical release forms.

This weekend we found our way to Fridley, MN for the 2nd quiz trip of the year. It was my first trip fully in charge, toting the medical release forms for my 9 quizzers. As I packed my bag for the trip, I thought to myself, I'd really like to bring this delicious book [My Name is Asher Lev], but will I really ever have time to read it? I remembered this book, sitting on my bed, as I sat in the emergency room clutching a medical form that I didn't ever want to need.

The quiz morning started out normal enough - except that we were early to the quiz for the first time in history. I registered and found my other Wisconsin coach friends and quiz masters. The morning was full of grueling quizzing. These MN teams are just good! And then, just after lunch, the trajectory of my trip altered drastically as Scott said that Josh had been injured. My focus was no longer on quizzing or the after-party, but on Josh.

I found him in a heap at the bottom of the staircase with Ryan, Danny and Scott hovering about him. His right arm was bent in the wrong places and swelling up fast. Thankfully, Judy and Gary arrived moments later and had more sanity to direct the situation. Plans were made to get Josh to help and keep an eye on the eight others that were roaming around.

Check in. Triage. What's your date of birth? Where are you hurt [duh!]? Please wait. Gee, can we get this guy something for the pain? Are you his mother? [holy cow, do i look that old?!] He'll see the doctor now? What happened? Where are you hurt [double duh!]? I'll be right back. jokes lighten the mood. What am I going to do? Wait. Drugs. Call to cancel. Call to reinstate. Call to update. Wait.

Why didn't I bring Asher to get my mind off of this? Wait. I'm so glad you are here Judy. X-rays. Timetable? Wait. You are doing great Josh. more paperwork. Sign here. Do you consent? Quizzing? Oh yeah, we came to quiz. Wait. Wait alone now.

Where is Asher? Who can I call? Wait. Josh is awake again, after reduction. Joy. Surgery may come, but the pain is lessened. We'll get your prescription. Wait, but not alone. Listen. Take notes on care. Elevate. Ice. Get the swelling down. Move your sausage-y fingers. Got the prescription. Good. Gone.

We reunited with the team and got on our way much later than expected. Thankfully, God kept us safe and awake through the drive. I am amazed at how much God gives... even when I forget to ask. We are home safe and Josh is with his family. Oh, I am thankful. so thankful. I am thankful that God is in control and gives strength for all things. I'm thankful for Judy, Gary and the Heitzmans. I'm thankful to be able to type and write and have the capacity to play a trumpet [though not the skill]. I'm thankful for doctors and mothers. I am especially thankful for morphine [not for me!]. Some bright spots: I am one of very few who now knows Josh's middle name and who has seen inside his stomach [via ultrasound]. Yes, we have bonded over a broken arm.

Be well Josh.

Birthdays Birthdays

There have been lots of great memories of this day and celebrations of this day – the day God brought me into this world. And as each one comes and goes and I reflect on them, I become more and more thankful for God’s good provision for me… of family and friends from so many cultures and stages of life. I am truly thankful for all of you.

Some birthday memories:

1991 – The overnight blizzard on Halloween and none of my sleepover guests had boots. I have clear images still in my mind of my daddy carrying my tennis-shoed friends to our station wagon to bring them home after the party.

1993 – What? I’m getting a brother? Yes, I got a really cool bday present exactly TWO weeks after my day.

1994 – My daddy took me to Chicago [we flew from Bemidji , MN ] for a long weekend.

1999 – Sweet 16 – first boy-girl party. Sixteen Candles was my favorite song for weeks.

2003 – First birthday away from home. My cousin KayLynn brought me a huge cake and balloons at NWC and my parents sent me flowers.

2004 – I heard my name over the loud speaker at Sentry Insurance to call security [dream fulfilled] and they wished me a happy birthday. The next day, I forgot my security badge and when I called them to let me in, they were convinced I had forgotten it because I was out carousing on my 21^st birthday.

2006 – My au-pair family threw me a fancy 4-course dinner party. It was my first birthday party where one of the only things I understood was when they sang me Happy Birthday in English. The cards and emails I received from the States were completely overwhelming!

2007 – I organized a photo scavenger hunt in the old city section of Innsbruck for my Austrian friends. The memories made there were so sweet! On the night of my birthday, I attended my first Austrian Ball. I thought I was dreaming.

2008 – Well, I had an “un-birthday” celebration at Riverside this summer when Maria took my joke about July 23 being my birthday seriously. We had “un-birthday cookies” and they sang me “Happy un-birthday.”

On my real birthday this year, I just turned a ¼ century. That’s kind of monumental. Mama bought me a gigantic warm cookie and milk to dunk it in for lunch [dessert.] And the State of WI and the city of Stevens Point decided to unveil one of the most critical exit ramps in the city along I-39 just for the special day. I do feel appreciated.

blank.

I have not blogged in a little while. It’s definitely not that nothing note-worthy has happened or that I have not had time to record it. It is simply that my blog has been blank or that my mind has been blocked [or lazy] to write. Well, it ends right here, right now!

You heard about my lovely weekend across the border [in MN], but you’ve missed out on the adventures south of here last weekend. The Plover quiz team trekked down to the bluffs of Prairie du Chien for the first quiz meet of the 08-09 year. Our Luke-filled brains, piled out of the large Mennigan van after 4+ hours of driving. It was my first time coaching and for all of the arm-chair coaching I’d done in the past, I discovered that I was woefully lacking any ability. There are things like momentum, timeouts, scoring and encouragement [not to mention team dynamics and mediatorship!!] to be considered. Yikes. Well, we made it through with minor injury. Literally. Danny whacked his head on a pole during the lunch game of 500, but he was okay and his quizzing even improved! My team is a superstitious one… Things like, I always do well in this chair/side/shirt or maybe I’ll do better without my hat are often thrown about the room. On the way home, we experienced Wisconsin ’s largest corn maze, located in Lodi . It was… cold. Some of us forgot to bring warm clothes and others of us forgot that muddy shoes shouldn’t be put on van seats. We laughed a lot.

Another bit of blankness that broods beneath my surface is this seemingly insurmountable task of contacting people for support raising as I return to Austria . My skills at procrastination and rationalizing said procrastination are truly astounding – something to be praised if they weren’t so stinkin’ wrong! And still again, God’s grace opens my eyes to see His fingerprints on my life and this process. He comes at the just-right moments to give strength and relief and motivation… How motivating the gospel has been for me in these moments! My heart for Austria grows with each thought of the dark hopelessness that exists there now contrasted with the bright hope the gospel brings! I am truly amazed that God would ask me to be apart of this spreading of this burning hope. So, pray for me as I contact and get others onboard with this great work!

a few of my dear friends.

Kristin - you are brave and counselor-like ;o)

Mandy - you are diligently relational. And well, cuter than you are big ;o)

Jack - you are committed to my meeting your high expectations for me. :o)

and Peggy [we didn't get a pic!] - you are amazingly great at cribbage!!

Maybe not tomorrow.

I was able to spend the weekend with dear friends from college this past weekend. We caught up and laughed and played cribbage and fought and prayed. And something struck me as all of this was happening: I began to see again how faithful God is to act in our lives.

Prayers that we've prayed for ourselves and others are being answered in power by God. People are coming into relationship with Him. Ministries are growing and churches are reaching out into the world. God's Word is going forth into the valleys of western Austria, spoken from courageous men and women there. I am incredibly encouraged.

Yet also, families are falling apart, boyfriends are confusing and non-responsive, parties are awkward and make us feel like freaks. We oversleep through church. Life keeps coming at us in discouraging ways. Our weaknesses keep visiting us.

And for me, it's easy to focus on the discouragements more than the encouragements, making my faith in my Faithful God dwindle. Add to that the fact that movies portray months and years of life within 1.5 short hours. I see pain and then relief come almost instantaneously, assuring me that my "real-time" life must be failing miserably at making progress at any rate!

But, oh, how sweet is God's gracious help here... to remind me of his faithfulness. Some of my desires and prayers may not be answered until I'm 50. Or 73. God will give patience. Some friends will find Jesus because of my witness. God will have been the Light shining from me. Families can be refortified in any season - it must not be right now, though I'd like to bypass the pain sometimes. In the midst of all this, I [read: we] can be assured that God hears our prayers and knows our hearts. He will answer, just maybe not tomorrow.

I'd still like to praise Him today.

What words are

I have not yet been able to articulate exactly what I’m thinking about this concept of “word.” I love words because meaning is conveyed and pictures are painted by the use of them. Proverbs is filled with dichotomies between the wise and foolish use of words. Words directly reveal what is in our hearts. The Earth was created with a word from God. Jesus is the Word, who created, saved, and will rule this universe.

And some of this power has been given to me – to us – to exercise. I use this power whenever I open my lips or pick up my pen [or computer, as it is]. Will I kill or give life? I guess that’s up to what’s inside my heart, the wellspring of my life. God’s Word always gives life because His heart can only be filled with Holy, life-giving things. Psalm 19 reveals how God’s Word/law revives, purifies, endures, gives joy and light to its hearers. My words? – Well, they need a lot of time on the stove of my mind so that the evil will prayerfully burn off.

I often pride myself in a beautifully turned sentence or even just a pair of words – ones that depict a vivid scene or evoke a powerful feeling. I spent much of my life rearranging the pieces of my word puzzles that eventually [or hopefully] become sentences. As I do this, I hope that undergirding Truth becomes evident because if it doesn’t, then they are just pretty nothings.

And what of when I do not have time to play with them, when I must simply speak my mind/heart on the spot? Even here, I must be vigilant, not letting that any murderous words come bubbling forth without restraint. But I also think that it would just be better if I sieved what went into my heart by God’s Word, kind of like Proverbs 4:20-28 suggests. Or like that kids’ song goes – Oh be careful little eyes, what you see…Oh be careful little ears, what you hear… [Why do I think that I grow out of the stage of preaching this to myself?] In this way, the probability of God’s life-giving Words coming out of my mouth increases.

Oh words, they are scarily delightful… like little flames!