No Voice

I woke up on Sunday with a whisper of a voice. While my parents sometimes rejoice on those days of quiet, it's always sooooo hard for me to stay quiet and I end up pushing my voice too far only to make it worse. For someone so used to talking, it is difficult to be without it for a day, or even an hour!

However, church was a beautiful hour to be silent. Not being able to sing or even talk really made me think about the lyrics of the songs I know so well. These words had new meaning as I could not sing them, only think them, pray them, and be silent.

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.
...
High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heav'ns Son!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O ruler of all.

We "sang" this one yesterday. It was a good time of silent praise and listening!!

What's your favorite hymn/worship song?

Welcome to the Christkindlmarkt!

My new header picture was taken in the Old City section of Innsbruck during the annual Christmas Market festival. There is nothing like it in all of the world. I urge you all to get to a German-style market at Christmas someday. The lights invite and the community connects. Make sure you try the Glühwein!

This time of year always makes me yearn for Tirol. Two years ago today, I first set foot in the States after my au-pair year. What a difficult homecoming it was... and still seems to be. I am a zwischenmensch... a "between person." I still feel between to worlds - both I love so much. I don't know how to come "home," or if I want to.

The lights. They're just magical.

Birthday Week

Monday: Receive 50+ birthday greetings on a day that is not my birthday. I also threw some ice off my roof in a garbage dumpster, like Tom Cavanagh (who was actually born on Monday) did in the hit TV series, Ed (NBC).

Tuesday: Nurse my hurting arm from throwing ice into a garbage dumpster. I felt the sun for the first time in days. Summary of the rest of my day in 11 words: Johnny Depp Chai Good Convos A Long Walk Flashbacks of Austria.

Wednesday: Hasn't happened yet, but anticipated highlights include: Tea with Anna, some solid Greek reading and Hebrew grammar, and a game of Boggle.

Thursday - Tuesday (the actual birthday!): Undecided but anticipated. Ideas welcome.

A New Experience

Do you remember what it was like the first time you saw Brett Favre in purple instead of green? For me, it kinda felt like the Twilight Zone (or an SNL spoof)... like he was going to rip off that Vikings uniform mid-play and become a packer again. Well, I met with a similar experience last night as I entered the *Johnson's house. The fixed structures looked the same. Counters, stairs, the table, but oh... there was a dog and cluttered counters. I have been to the Johnson's many times before and have always enjoyed being able to let myself in and grab something to drink. An unfamiliar small child (a not wholly uncommon sight) poked his head around the corner and then yelled up the stairs that someone was here. The woman that came down was not Mrs. Johnson. Indeed, she was a complete stranger. I had left myself in, unannounced and uninvited, to a total stranger's home. She politely informed me that the Johnson's had moved and gave me their new location. AWKWARD.

This whole experience was so ridiculous that I thought perhaps it was all some sort of joke - that my friends would jump out from somewhere and laugh at my guilibility. They laughed alright - and loudly - but that was in their new home several blocks away. I am glad to be able to provide some much entertainment. On the other front, I have no idea who to cheer for this fall. I was a loyal Viking fan, but cannot cheer for such a willy-nilly "gotta be in the sports news" guy. So, Packers? That seems wrong too. I might wander aimlessly into other teams' cheering sections, as I do homes.

* I changed the name to add an element of mystery :o)

God's Unique Working

I had the opportunity to attend a baptism service yesterday. One of the most endearing parts of the service for me is the testimony time. It reminds me just how personal God is. Each of our God-Stories is so unique and personal. Some are awakened early in life, some don't know until near the end and still others will come early only to wander away before coming finally back to Him. God uses unimaginable circumstances to call each one of us to Him.

In the midst of this unique and personal work of God, there is much hope and purpose in me. I have hope for my unbelieving friends and relatives - that they might be awakened - and also hope for myself - that God is shaping me in a very intimate and personal way. He works in me like he works in no other. And there is purpose because I know that often times, God uses his servants to call others. Many of the testimonies from yesterday's service highlighted a person or two who was/were bold enough to share Christ with them. It takes all of the pressure off to realize that it's not ultimately up to me. It's up to God.

Really, this hope and purpose brought peace.

Riverside Review

I've been reflecting a lot on my experience at Riverside this summer and I am not able to put it into words. It was more than just another summer at camp, but in a lot of ways, it was old hat. I thought I'd share some of the highlights for me, in no particular order:

1. Mischievous campers... this kid sat on the Rock of Ages and used his swimming goggles to reflect the sun into my eyes as I was talking to another staff member. And he did it for like 5 minutes before I realized it was him. His grin just melted my heart.
2. Energetic staff... I was amazed that after a full week of campers, my staff would keep going on the weekends! Out to the fair, a Timber Rattlers game, trips to town, and bowling... not to mention the movie nights and "shaloming!" I really was thankful for their dedication and energy. I definitely did NOT have that all of the time.
3. Fun activities... OK, this might be too much patting myself on the back, but I think the program was a lot of fun for campers! I enjoyed being ridiculous and crazy for three weeks and having people listen to me! When I had on my princess crown, I commanded attention. We played in the mud, did game shows and Bible trivia, ran around with ice, played ultimate frisbee and of course, played Womp 'Em.

4. Good God... man, I was, by some estimation, thrown into this programming gig at the last second, but God was not surprised by it. I was taught a lot in this month about the Lord's care and provision for each of us. There were hard moments, moments that I felt completely alone although I never was. Other times, it was just sweet. I remember the night that some staff throw me an "unbirthday party" (it's a long story, really) and I got to sit in the midst of these dear ones, eating homemade turtle cheesecake and worshiping the Lord. You can't buy these times! The Lord is good.

Thanks for reading and praying for me (us). I hope to be more thoughtful/profound later.

Liking the Now

Sometimes swallowing what God has for me is difficult, I'll admit it. I've been attempting to find the path for the past few years and making decisions at a series of doors. Each door points me in a different direction, with a new set of challenges and opportunities. I've applied to programs and been denied. I've accepted job offers and now, quit those jobs. I've taken the Graduate Record Exam and applied to school in Scotland. I've said "yes" to programming at Riverside. Doors open and close.

Scotland liked me, offered me an unconditional spot this fall and now, another detour hits. I couldn't keep enough balls in the air to get the visa and funding I needed in time so I've deferred my entry for one year. I am trying to swallow this new challenge and look at it as a blessing, or at least a learning experience. I am attempting to "like the now" I find myself in. And I must admit, it's getting easier as I look at the friends and family whose lives I get to be a part of in this coming year. I know that I will not always be around. I'm enjoying the new friendships that have come from camp and also the ability I'll have to maintain older ones from college and even high school. I miss Austria more than ever. I miss hearing German on every corner. I'm trying to give everything over to the Lord. It's a hard, yet wonderful now.

Yes, I'm liking the now...