perspective.

I've been noticing something these last several commutes to and from work. As I drive in, the sun is fresh & the light is new. It is at my back. The colors seem muted & almost groggy as the sun climbs. The fields are quiet... somehow. And, well, when I'm coming back, the sun is tired & wasted. It is at my back. It's as if it has worked all day making things beautiful & full of life. The trees lining the Custer fields are worn and drooping, but in the most elegant way, as if calling young dreamers to come and sit.

And then, I think: how much of this interpretation of the day & sun is clouded - nay, affected by my own perspective and feeling of groggy-worn-out-ness? It is so "in the moment." The truth is that the sun is always beaming brightly somewhere... & the trees and fields, well, the could be somewhat tired because of the sun, but couldn't it also be me projecting my own weariness? At best, it is my interpretation from inside of the timezones instead of on the sun's surface. And how often do I tell God which shot to make when I'm stuck near the side behind the 2-ball, projecting my own predicament onto the rest of the table?

Yes, these thoughts come to me as I drive. Mostly though, I am floored at the beauty & color of God's creation... the yellowing fields, reddening trees & bizarrely this year, greening grass! I saw Custer-hill alive with color against the soft blue sky and purpling clouds & my word, I must sing at this!!! & not some sappy hip-gyrating love song, but something bigger and just as alive, with feeling & praise to the One who did it all.

Recent Reading

When it gets cold and rainy outside in the fall, I'm definitely saddened, but the best comfort has been curling up under a blanket with some new book! I make my list of Dewey numbers and trek to the library. Actually, these ones came to me in different ways.

For me, The Kite Runner began as my EmyJs book. I read it as I was in the coffee shop, but... well, it just got too good and I had to own it, so... I bought it! Hosseini tells an exquisite story. He paints a picture of Kabul, Afghanistan during the last 30 years of conflict. It covers friendship, loyalty and forgiveness as it follows the history of two boys growing up in Kabul. I'd recommend this book to anyone who can read [well, maybe not young readers!]. To be honest, I wept through it. And now, I am entranced with all things Afghanistan.

I also get hungry for some theology in the fall. Perhaps it's because every one is going back to school. Jack recommended [and gave] me a copy of A Reason for God. Timothy Keller addresses popular objections to believe in God in a really straight-forward and readable way. It's fun to come up with the logical fallacies along with him. It's been a good lunch-break book.

Of course, I've got to have a Piper in my pile so Stand came as a result of some clicks around Desiring God's website. I haven't really started in on the meat of it, but the idea is that we must persevere through life with faith in God instead of just giving up [which I'm prone to do] when the incline steepens on the trek. This book is actually a summarization of the 2007 National Conference, with chapters by the contributing speakers. It's a thin book, definitely a rapid read.

The last one that I've been investing in is another Jack recommendation [Jack, I really will read anything you recommend, even though I didn't read any of the books you required for class!] and it's about picking stocks. One Up on Wall Street has helped me understand the market and in light of recent days, made me more conversant in current events. Peter Lynch tells story upon story of his own successes [and failures] on using common knowledge to "out smart" the Wall Street experts. Unfortunately, you'll have to wait a few weeks if you want to check it out from the library in Stevens Point because I've got it checked out!

So, what's on your fall reading list?

Stopping to smell the memories.

As summer starts to leave central Wisconsin, I am overloaded with memories of my first months in Austria. I wander through this field of wild flowers, stopping to smell these memories, trying to hold them awhile longer. I invite them into my cave of now.

I walked the streets of Innsbruck this week. In rain, snow and sun, I bopped in and out of shops in the Altstadt. I expertly wove my way through heaps of tourists from Japan, Europe and the States. I visited the familiar places: Tom's Gelateria, Tyrolia, Müller in the Rathhaus, and Katzung Café. I waited at bus stops, calculating stop times and planning routes between friends' flats and home. I felt every turn and bump on the J Line as it climbed toward Hungerburg. I listened to my Europe songs, in minor keys, as I bundled up once again to hike up the last 10 minutes to home: Rosnerweg 14. I sipped sour tea as I reached the Kaiser Saule, goal #2 on my first mountain trek. I overheard German, lots of it. I stumbled through some conversations myself. It was all so... so present, like I was experiencing it now again for the first time. This field of memories was sweet to meander through, to receive therapy in.

And then this morning, I woke up to rain on the roof. For a split second, I thought that I was in Innsbruck again, with the rain splattering up against my window on my basement apartment. I nestled further into my comforter and dreamt of slow mornings at the house, ironing, washing the dishes and cooking for 7 at lunch.

I finally pulled myself out of bed to make some hot chocolate [Austrian style] and then curled up with my journal and Bible. I sipped the Psalms in, settling in on chapter 10, 16-18. The LORD is king forever and ever; the nations perish from his land. [v.16] his land... All of the land I see is God's. I thought of this book I'm reading, The Kite Runner, and the oppression that Amir and his Baba faced, not to mention what Ali and Hassan met, during the Russian occupation of Afghanistan in the early 1980s. I could write for ages about how this ugliness makes me feel and think about my apathy [and the apathy of others], but the Psalms reassured me this morning that God hears the cry of the oppressed and he will defend the fatherless [10,17-18]. This earth belongs to Christ, the King, My King. I loved God then, I mean, even more [or more clearly], that He cares the most and in the best way. He cannot be apathetic.

It is these mornings, the slow lingering ones with God, that I miss most about my Austrian year. I grew so much in my dependence on Him and in realizing the humility it takes to learn life in a foreign land. God enabled each move and memory.

Thank you, LORD, for each flower in this field that I've been exploring lately!! You are so good

Haziness

I have spent the last several days at work reading binders, textbooks and websites. I'm trying to get my mind around this big thing called, "my job duties," in this new position. I feel like a blind monk trying to figure out that an elephant is standing next to him by only feeling around its feet and legs. It is a hazy cloud that will not seem to lift. I used to like this learning process, but I believe that I'm growing impatient with myself.

Each night, I come home exhausted and can't muster much beyond sitting on my couch, though tonight I managed to get the cheapest gas at the co-op and make Cody bark like a dog all the way there! That was a riot!

And well, tomorrow, it's back to discerning more of this elephant - or whatever decides to emerge.

Ciao.

Last Night

I spent a good part of last evening reading about how to
blog better. I followed tons of links and became more discouraged with every click. Compared to other “professional bloggers,” I blog horribly, breaking nearly every rule… especially the “write shorter blogs” rule.

In the midst of my self-loathing, I stumbled across Dave’s Thoughts on progress. Perhaps it’s not so much about numbers and instant effectivness, but lasting impact that comes from God’s Spirit working through my faithful and thoughtful writing. It made me think also about my goal in blogging… it’s to become a better writer and inform people about my life, this cave of now that I find myself in. I don’t need bullet points and tons of pictures. The one thing I was happy about is learning the html code for linking!!!

Love the sinner, or the sin?

In the midst news coverage exposing Bristol Palin’s teen pregnancy, I am stand at a fork in the road, asking this question: How do I continue to despise sin while accepting and reaching out to the one who sins? One the one hand, I readily desire to embrace sinful people [and myself] in love and forgiveness. On the other, I find myself becoming more and more comfortable and desensitized to sin… I become okay with it. Divorce, teen pregnancy, and lying – God hates them all – and yet, I so easily dismiss them. Vice Presidential candidate, Sarah Palin’s daughter, Bristol, made a mistake, like we all do… so I can understand that. I can sympathize with small amounts of willpower, self-control and making poor decisions. I can especially identify with being painfully exposed in my sin by the pure, gracious Light of God. But all too often, I find myself inviting sin in for an afternoon tea. I am numb to the wrongness and ugliness of disobeying God. What to do?

My only conclusion is that God has the equilibrium in this dangerous tightrope walk. Jesus does not throw stones at the sinful woman, yet he overturns the tables of the money-changers. He cares for the Samaritan woman, though she’s had five “husbands.” And if God has this ability, then doesn’t He also want me to have it and also have the ability to give it to me?

Pray that I would be able to love people toward holiness. Pray also that others would love me toward that too.